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APRIL 1999

on innocence and being a falling tree...
men are from mamet. women are from streep.
i went to the baseball game and all i got was this lousy heartbreak
there is no there, there
it came from my head. run!!!
i see my movie and learn two lessons
go stee. it's your birthday. go stee...
ben & jerry & empathy
it's like...what the fuck?!
respect my authoriti!
what the... i like my job?

MAY 1999

legs were broken
let the bragging begin
where i make myself even poorer
the leash gets shorter
i have a table in hell waiting for me
the storm before the storm
in the can
please, help yourself

JUNE 1999

memorialize this
shine on crazy diamond
you hate me, you really hate me!!!
a talent for causing great pain
tada: to do
drop dead fred
luck be a lady, please
what part of "on the house" do you not understand?
ob la di
transcendent moments, or, jon stewart can kiss my ass
When you get caught between 'N Sync and New York City...
An ape man, a Perfect Storm, and a pizza place...
touchy touchy
o solo stee-o
the trades
one eyed jacks

JULY 1999

bay views, wedding bells, and fat dogs
scare me, please
buzz buzz
I SimHate you all...
Wherein guest diarist Bill Pullman writes an open letter to Pamie
an open letter to all other drivers
Excerpts from Stanely Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut journal!!!
I'm Losing You
things I like
the trades two
annoyed, satisfied, mocking, relieved, honored
i'm a quarterfinalist!
'Night Mother, Part II
play the market, lose nothing
the idiot vs. the wolf
damn, i was dope


celebrity interview: Samantha Mathis
Scared Straight... to business school
unscary Blair Witch fallout
where's my peeps?
TV, or not TV
i want to be david blaine
celebrity interview: Ethan Hawke
a store cat's revenge
pee / opportunity / phenlketonurics
i'm a semifinalist!
only questions
i killed jay mohr
Sonnet XXVI: Ode to E!
and boy are my arms tired
marriage, stud, and sexy caterers
too much information


see ya

i return in style
trades again
aw, hell
survey says
i wish i were english
some sex in the champage room
wee bawdy limericks fer ye
storm watch '99
glad to be back
screw you carolyn chute
a good fuck
popular / monkeys


something wicked this way comes
i'm a loser
lunch on rodeo drive
celebrity interview: jack kerouac
i am lazy
i am still lazy
24 hours in the dark
love them trades!
because i love you
nothing if not glamorous
celebrity interview: my refrigerator
an open letter to the vast majority of my co-workers
put on a happy face
where the day takes me
take the last trades to clarksville
stop moving. stop talking.


you suck... i love you
a bad dream
swinging the angry stick
where i kiss ass
it's friday. i kiss you!!!!!
future's so bright, i gotta wear trades
cuz i'm feeling like a criminal
puppy tv
open, at long last
damn you regis
time keeps on slipping
celebrity interview: tori amos
things you should know
better never than late
luck be a tradey tonight
gobble gobble
movies movies movies
6 reasons i hate christmas


ode to my pants
maybe the world is blind
the secret
what career
how things fall
and they're off
i get my life back
l.a. is in the house
people who are bad people
the curse method
i knew it
big heads and good films
crash test gummies
miss me like you mean it
they all need superior lubrication!
any given wednesday
curse of the relentless dance warlock
the artist formerly known as stee


the cradle will suck?
meeting old people is easy
more wee bawdy limericks fer ye
watch out y'all
there for him
a popular accouterment
guest entry: left column
what did matthew modine ever do to me?
you are so much more important than i am
no dark sarcasm
blow by blow: the commercial audition
why you shouldn't have sex: an aspiring porn star speaks
almost gone
la vie no smoka

welcome & an experiment in email
harvey weinstein's daily message to miramax execs.
heh heh heh. grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
6pm. hills. walking.


boogie down larry
what a stee wants...
decorating tips for adults
if you give a stee a scanner...
blame it on the trades
pound. pound. pound.
the bomb
i can't do it. i will.
a scene for new lovers
the truth
when magazine editors get desperate
not today
more esquire nonsense
please return your stee to his original upright position
islamics, irish women, and a flying ottoman
i swear this is it

MARCH 2000

pugs and lipstick
it's my journal and i'll cry if i want to
when things slide
trade in america
sxsw haiku
ha ha. but also not.
sxsw: a sort of a recap
uh, welcome
oscars post-mortem
self-hate mail
like a dog
the food of life

APRIL 2000

cast away
idiot, just not savant
suck mail
red noses, and rednecks
what's my age again?
two questions
one year, bitches!
bullshit title indicating that i have little time today
not trades away
older. better.
d'oh canada
blame stee
gross, but...

MAY 2000

lovely rita, meter trade
focus problems
the diary of joseph edward nichols
beck to the future
rules for cats
i let you down
the stee awards
the results
slow news day
what i like about you
tradel tradel tradel, i made it out of clay
save me
dark light dark
drinks with your ex
must not see tv
likable. forgettable.
advice from stee

JUNE 2000

some folks call it a sling trade...
who we choose
no! no! no!
the waiting is the hardest part
10 stupid things i did today and/or reasons i don't have time to write a real entry
babbling: a friday extra
monday. suckday.
why not take the A trade on
hot, lying down
all music entry
me, myself &... no one
celebrity interview: olive
miss me, damn you

JULY 2000

here i am, baby
my call is so fucking unimportant to you it's not even funny
dennis and randy trade
young stee behind a desk in a large city
good things
free smokes and karmic maintenance
ok, it is you
emmy noms wrap-up: biased and totally uninformed
trade to order
where the heart should be
big brother and weezer
change-your-underwear tv
gansta-ass nigg*s don't sleep


get out the tiny violin
where i "work"
the way it seems to go
...i've had a few
she's no freak
friday extra
other things that matter
my words
hey, flakes: quit it
trade trade, go away
i like new york in august
2000 in film, so far
2000 in film, what's next


it's hard
mister excitement
a happy ending
all the small things
good monday
trade runner
stee applies to yale
all over the place, like your mom
celebrity interview: my couch
ricky's girl
jason priestly, anna nicole smith, and stee walk into a bar...
nearly nothing


strange bedfellows
time may change me
worse before better
stee does america
final approach
trade to black
tenacious stee
end of rock week


bite my lip
couch love
tragedy! (?)
in limbo
where is my mind?
north american free trade agreement
time is on my side
only not connect
working for the weekend
this is not funny anymore
but still making noise
catsup, hoes down
yeah you know stee


the final cut
your what's wide open?
i'm slim tradey
it's up
here we go again


so that happened


beat, but well
crouching tiger, hidden stee
snoop's resolutions
stealing sounds
castles trade of sand
you've got quality
steely dan apologizes
wherein guest writer matthew perry writes an open letter to his fellow cast-members
the best policy

MARCH 2001

in which crow is eaten and the chickens head home
trade county, florida
a loud place
you had me at ta shi xueshing
stee by steewest
stee deplanes
celebrity interview: the guy who stole two books of stamps from my desk last night
i wonder about you
a conundrum
on the ropes
run stee, run
just a joke

APRIL 2001

see, now it's out there
deduct this
zorro the gay trade
all in the timing
ward of the state

MAY 2001

the more things change
watch me go
it's all right to smile
diary of a killer
my last nerve
not incorrect just bad

JUNE 2001

a sunday in l.a.
the movies
hollywood trash

JULY 2001

the score


alien ant farm


collateral damage