Cate Blanchett: So stee. Thanks for the hot sex you just gave me.

Stee: Don't mention it.

CB: Can we do it again later?

S: Sure.

CB: So. How was sxsw?

S: Great. I had a blast.

CB: Why did you go again?

S: Well. For two reasons actually. Pamie invited me to be on a panel she was moderating about Online Journals. And second of all, my friend/director Frank wanted to go fundraise for his movie and since I'm one of the leads and an all around great guy, Frank had the film pay for my trip out there. So it was for both reasons.

CB: How about that sex?

S: Cate. Please.

CB: Right-o, mate. Anyway, how did you get there?

S: Car. We drove 1400 miles each way. That's a lot of road, and lemme tell you Cate, I-10 ain't the most interesting highway in the world.

CB: Ain't. I love when you say that.

S: Uh. Thanks, babe.

CB: Where did you stay?

S: Ah. Well. Though we had many offers to stay in suites at the Four Seasons, we chose to stay "close to the people": we stayed at the Motel 6, or the Crack 6 as we like to call it. They left the light on for us, alright. Actually, I didn't see the room for more than 5 hours a night anyway. I didn't do a whole lot of sleeping in Austin.

CB: Why's that? Were you busy humping-

S: There was no humping. I'm only for you, Cate.

CB: OK. Good. So. How was the panel?

S: Ah. The panel was very cool. Pam and Maura and I were the speakers. The room was packed, which I was told is a huge build from last year's audience. We had microphones and a big projection screen hooked up to the computer and we pulled up our sites and talked a bit. Then we pulled up other sites, some of those in attendance, and then basically I dazzled everyone with my wit and wisdom for the rest of the 2 hour session.

CB: Really?

S: No. It was a round-table and we basically discussed different topics of journaling online and the pitfalls and benefits of using personal content as the main component of a website. There was a particularly funny moment when this old dude stood up and basically gave us a "When I was your age" speech about how there's nothing new under the sun. He was factually correct, but nevertheless I found him pretty funny.

CB: What else did you get from the Interactive section of sxsw?

S: Not a whole lot. But that's just me. I spent most of my time exploring the Film side, and the Massive Quantities of Alcohol side, which was a little advertised aspect of sxsw.

CB: I see. That's very interesting.

S: Cate. Please let go of my cock.

CB: Sorry.

S: It's OK.

CB: So. What about the film side?

S: Well. Each day there were tons of cool panels. I saw Janeane Garofalo and got kicked out of Robert Rodriguez. Um... well... Frank went to a lot of cool panels. He met with lots of people and had dinner with Harry Knowles and some producers and directors. He schmoozed. He pitched. He sold.

CB: While he was "selling", what were you doing to promote yourself?

S: Well. I talked to the guys who are showing my short on their website. They had a booth at the trade show. They like me.

CB: So do I.

S: I know you do.

CB: So you didn't do much at Interactive and didn't go to many of the film panels. So what did you do to justify your sxsw trip?

S: I went to some movies.

CB: What did you see, my wonderful sex-monkey?

S: We saw American Pimp, about Pimps. And Beyond The Mat, about Wrestling. They were both very good.

CB: Sounds very culturally fulfilling, those two movies.

S: We saw a program of shorts and a movie with Garofalo and Jerry Stiller called The Independent.

CB: How was that?

S: Sucked.

CB: Oh.

S: And we walked out of two truly hideous films.

CB: That's rude.

S: I know. But Pam made me do it.

CB: You're lying, aren't you.

S: Yes.

CB: This Pam you speak of, did you spend all your time with her?

S: Pretty much. She was gracious enough to show me around her fair city and to introduce me to all her cool friends like Chuy and RayRay and Matt and Rose and Jeff and Eric and Taylor and Cal. She also forced me to smoke many many cigarettes and go disco dancing and then drink every night until 4am.

CB: Are you lying again?

S: OK. Well. Not forced per se. The best part of sxsw is the parties, probably. There were like 3 or 4 parties every night with free drinks and gifts and crap. Lots of fun.

CB: I'm getting really really randy right now, stee. Any closing thoughts?

S: Well. Austin is a very cool town. I met many many nice people, didn't sleep, drank too much, and was basically on a high for 5 days with the pure energy of the festival. I'm all about festivals now. And grackles.

CB: Grackles?

S: Don't ask.

CB: (taking off her dress) So in closing...

S: Though I didn't get anything, well, tangible accomplished, (Frank did, I tell you) the trip went far beyond my expectations. I had a fucking wonderful time.

CB: (pulling me on top of her) Put another shrimp on my barbie!

S: Shrimp?

CB: Just run with it, mate.

S: Fine.

The Corin "Corky" Nemec Happy Song Corner

 
 
He's the Invisible Man. Count the bubbles in your hand. The southern skies. And the summer sites. That's all that's left behind. The skies, and a sweet caress. He's the Invisible Man. Catch him if you can. You're nowhere in sight (just imagine that). Nothing excites you (baby, that's a fact). Open your eyes. Look and you will find. That's all that's left behind... the skies. And a sweet caress. The skies, the sights. And a sweet caress. He's the Invisible Man. Catch him if you can... speaking of which. Chevy Chase was once the invisible man. With Daryl Hannah. She used to call me. Not anymore. Not since old Cork's star dropped. After Parker Lewis Can't Lose, I was dirt.
Dirt, I tell you! Di - r - r - rt!
 
 
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