I got really mad at my sister last night. I wasn't even talking to her - I was walking back home from where I parked and this thing that she's owed me for three years suddenly bugged me worse than it had in a while. Basically she made me something, asked to borrow it back, and hasn't returned it. Three years. And the only reason: she is a big flake about shit like that. She's a fucking dynamo at everything, except the tiny little things like this. She likened it to not being able to return a video on time. And it's true -- she could never do that. Anyway, that suddenly took on this big meaning for me, that she doesn't care enough and I only have two family members left (pretty much) and now having lost the person closest too me, blah blah blah -- and I was totally sober too, telling her these things on the phone. I just want her to mail the shit out to me and be done with it. It's mostly principle now. And it's silly. It really is.

But man, flakes drive me insane. As I said, she's not one in general -- she can take care of 9000 different things at one time, but then sometimes, especially when it comes to herself and me, the little things fall by the wayside. Last time I visited her, she was fucking around and I had to catch a bus. She got me to the bus station late, so she had to chase the bus for an hour. Just cuz she couldn't get it together to leave. I work with people like this. I perform with people like this. I don't understand it. I was talking to someone about this the other day, I have never once lost my wallet, or my car keys, or returned a videotape late. (Not in a long time, at least.) I'm not anal. My place can be as filthy as the next place. I just have the ability to keep it together. Ah hell, maybe I'm just a control freak. I don't know. And I sometimes envy scatterbrains who flake out on shit and can get away with it. But I somehow feel that if I did, I'd be smacked down by the karma club before you could say "late fee".

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The Anna Nicole Smith Happy Song Corner

 
 
Now I have nothing, so God give me strength. 'Cause I'm weak in her wake. And if I'm strong I might still break. And I don't have anything to share. That I won't throw away into the air. That song is sung out. This bell is rung out. She was the light that I'd bless. She took my last chance at happiness. So God give me strength. God give me strength. I can't hold onto her, God give me strength. When the phone doesn't ring. And I'm lost in imagining. Everything that kind of love is worth. As I tumble back down to the earth. That song is sung out. This bell is rung out. She was the light that I'd bless. She took my last chance at happiness. So God give me strength. God if she'd grant me her indulgence and decline, I might as well wipe her from my memory. Fracture the spell as she becomes my enemy. Maybe I was washed out like a lip-print on his shirt. See, I'm only human, I want him to hurt. I want him. I want him to hurt. Since I lost the power to pretend. That there could ever be a happy ending. That song is sung out. This bell is rung out. She was the light that I'd bless. She took my last chance at happiness. So God give me strength. God give me strength... speaking of which. okay. y'all. y'all! y'all listen! you listening? i'm serious. Listen to me! Y'all! Okay. Okay, ready? I was like, getting up? The other day? And, like, when i woke up? My, like, my eyes were like, up? But like, i couldn't move my body or anything? Not my arms Not my legs, not my hands, not my fingers, not my toes, Not my neck, not my back, not my tummy, I was like, ohhhhh! And i was all, NOOOOO! Because like when my sweetie got like that we had to put him in that chair? And he was really sad when he couldn't hold my titties anymore, you know? So i started trying to scream? So that like, the neighbors could call 9111? And i was all... are y'all listening? Damn! this is important! Y'all, okay. i was all, "what if they think i'm already dead? and i get buried alive and shit?" And i bet getting buried alive is like, really scary, you know? I saw a movie on it once. I didn't like it. I didn't, y'all. i'm serious. So, like i did what my mama would have told me to done. She was always all, "when you think you can't do it, when you think it's all over... When your legs are tired and your jaw is all sore, You just beg for strength." So i did, y'all. I begged god for strength. And, y'all know what happened? I swear to god, y'all, One of my big dogs jumped on the nightstand? And he was all, jumping and shit? And he totally knocked over one of my pill bottles? the ones i keep open for the morning? And since i was screaming? The pill fell right in? And i was like, "Okay, y'all. It's okay." But now I'm wondering how i was able to move my mouth. I guess that's god's will, y'all.
 
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