Hey, everyone. I have been a neglectful little writer. A mean, neglectful, terrible person. I have written nothing. I have seemingly disappeared and not cared. It's as if I had nurtured and cared for a kitten, and then left it alone with no food for weeks. And no, I do not mean to compare you to a kitten, I just… see I'm already pissing you off and I haven't even been back for long. Man.

My vacation was wonderful. I went up to my mom's place in Berkeley for a week while she went to Ireland and visited places where our ancestors came from. Counties that I can pronounce but wouldn't dare to attempt to spell. Well, okay, I'll try: Slogough. Slowgogh. Slofpohsg. Yeah, see, I don't know. Some place with whiskey and beer and Irish people. The house was empty and I took care of the animals as I've done the last three years, I think. My mom and dad's anniversary was the 4th of July and thus my mom doesn't like to be in town for that day so she leaves. And I come up and take care of the menagerie. Everything is totally restful up there, except for the fact that feeding the animals with the pills and the letting out and the keeping 'em separated takes half and hour and I have to feed them early and then I can't go back to sleep but naturally I'd stayed up until 3am because I was out having fun and thus I don't sleep that much. What I did was a lot of climbing the rock in my backyard (My yard is half rock, like a tiny mountain twenty feet high. It rules.) and doing a 1000 piece puzzle and going to the wine country and seeing friends and friends' babies, which is weird. I was showing someone around so there was a lot of tour-guidery and pointing out my old schools and places where fun stories happened and there was swinging at the park and going to San Francisco and drinking in pubs and playing darts and a little bit of work but really not that much. There wasn't even that much reading. Most days started with lying around and then making some Pete's coffee and reading the paper and having toast with Fat Apple's jam and then it was like 4. I watched fireworks from on my roof overlooking the Bay and all of San Francisco. I love Berkeley more every time I go up there. It is relaxing. It is exciting. It is home.

Back in town, I'm still not working. The money is running out and so I've been applying for a couple jobs, but interesting ones. I am determined, if it works out, to try to not go back to an office job. I did this before and ended up back in one, but maybe it'll be different this time. Who knows. The thing is, I've been so amazingly productive since I've been off the job, that to go back would be seriously bad right now, for my sad little bud of a career in Hollywood. Anyway, work: so this weekend I faxed in a couple resumes to start reading scripts again and also applied to be a writer for a game show and also for a reality show. The reality show came about because all the producers of Chains of Love read my recaps on MBTV and liked them a lot and wanted to have drinks. So we did the other day. They do other shows at their company as well and they're going to try to try to get me hired on staff. That would rule. That would so rule. If the game show and the reality show don't work out, I'm going to try once again to read scripts from home, in addition to the freelance stuff. My reading job of three years ended a bit ago, but I think I might like to get back into it. (So if you're the Story Editor at a production company and need an experienced freelance reader, let me know. Also, if you are person with a bunch of money lying around and would like to give it to me with very little chance of ever seeing it again, let me know. Thanks!)

I got a call today from a PR firm in Austin who is handling publicity for the Austin Film Festival and they wanted to interview me, having won last year. I was asked to talk about my career and everything, and the thing is, it's all nearlies and almosts and any-day-nows. But it's exciting. That's the thing. Everything is fun and cool and neat and yeah, I went out for Mexican food tonight and got weirded out over how much it cost even though it was a really cheap joint and I worry about money and my car got towed (total bullshit reason) and I had to spend tons of money getting it back and blah blah blah - even though I'm broke and all, I'm very happy to be where I am. Things are exciting. Even if nothing happens from any of this and my agent and managers drop me and I end up taking an office job and stay there for the rest of my life writing plays on the side or whatever, this is a fun, good time and I am appreciative of that. My pitch is still making the rounds and we're actually in the middle of writing it and turning it into a full-fledged script. And I just finished the third draft of the romantic comedy that I actually started one year ago at my dad's old desk in Berkeley, and we're going to go out with it this week. And that's fun. And that makes me happy. And I wonder, I wonder sometimes if the "almost" is more than half the fun, and when the "yes, for sure... not, yes probably" comes, if I'll miss the "almost." Of course I will…

…I'll miss the shit out of it while I'm watching my big screen TV doing blow off some hooker's ass. I'll cry rivers.

So anyway, I'm still here. I'm still around. I know everyone is quitting - some of my all-time favorites like, of course, pamie and Patrick and Sara . But for now I'm sticking around. I might be very sporadic, simply because I'm no longer in front of a computer all day, but for now I'm still here. And I hope everyone is well and good and happy.

…Finally, another sad, sad, terrible season of Road Rules has begun and that means my recaps at MBTV. Won't you go sign up for the Road Rules mailing list over there and make a young white boy happy. Thank you.

The Robert Downey Jr. Happy Song Corner

 
 

Something in the way she moves attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way she woos me. I don't want to leave her now. You know I believe her now. Somewhere in her smile she knows that I don't need no other lover. Something in her style that shows me. Don't want to leave her now. You know I believe her now. You're asking me will my love grow. I don't know, I don't know. You stick around now it may show. I don't know, I don't know. Something in the way she knows and all I have to do is think of her. Something in the things she shows me. Don't want to leave her now. You know I believe her now… speaking of which. Something in the way that damn judge talked to me the other day. You know, I have had a lot of lectures from a lot of judges about how this is going to be the last time and I have to pay for my crimes and I am sick and blah bloo blam? Well, for some reason this one got to me. No, I'm serious, guys. There was just something in his tone of voice and seriousness and the way his head tilted when he said some shit about me owing it to my fans to get better or whatever-the-fuck. Really. At the end of these three years probation, I will be a changed man. But in the meantime…
 
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