Fuck AT&T Wireless Services. Seriously. And fuck the dumb hick shithead who took 20 minutes to answer my call. And fuck the guy who recorded the "All Operators Are Busy..." message. And fuck his wife. And fuck his dog. And fuck the guy at Staples who sold me my cellular plan last year. And fuck all the people who were in Staples that day. And fuck my friend Todd for having done a Staples commercial - just on principal. And fuck Nokia. Fuck their Finnish asses. Fuck their whole 5000 Series phones. And while you're at it, fuck the entire 6000, 7000, and 8000 hundred lines too.

Why fuck them all? So many reasons. They sold me a Single Channel phone last year, knowing that they were due to be phased out any fucking minute. So now I call to get a better plan, and they tell me my free year of weekend minutes expired two months a-fucking-go, and now my bills are around 100 bucks because I DID NOT KNOW. I don't think Staples, where I fucking stupidly signed up for the plan because it seemed easy, ever told me about the year limit. So fine, now I can upgrade to a better plan with Long Distance and more minutes and the works. Oh, but you have the single channel phone... oh shit. That's no good. You're fucked, dude. So now I'd have to pay way more than I had been originally, just to keep my current plan with my current phone, which doesn't work for me anymore - OR - buy a new phone from them and upgrade. I'm thinking of just fucking them and going to some other equally fucking evil company on principle. So why do you think I was on hold for twenty fucking minutes? Because I hit that button that said, "If you are a current customer and have a billing question..." Because fuck Current Customers with Billing Questions. I bet your sweet little ass if I had pressed, "To Sign Up For Service...", someone who had mastered the world of Verbs and Nouns would have gotten on the line within a minute. Capitalism is great, but the way these companies get around capitalism is Service Plans. Once they have you trapped, they have no fucking need to service you anymore. Just like women. (I'm kidding.)

Oh, and here's the Biggest Fucking Scam. So I ask, now worried because my weekend minutes are gone, what my current usage is up to this month. They can't look it up. "I have no way of accessing that information, sir?" Do they have the technology? Of fucking course they do. But they won't tell you. Why? They don't want you to know! If you go over, they get your money. If you get scared and don't use your phone as much, their network is freer. They win either way. "Did you reset your monthly timer?" was the snotty question I got. I'll reset your mom's monthly timer, bitch.

What drives me insane is that instead of sitting here, having made no decision and gotten off the phone in frustration, my sister would have a guy on his way to her house right now to deliver her a brand new fresh flippy-phone with one million free minutes. She's a bad-ass like that, while I just vent here.

I was just recently thinking how nice it was that I hadn't had to deal with red tape bullshit in a while. But here I go. So I guess I should just trash this phone and get an upgrade with AT&T. Or just stick with this phone and a get another shitty plan. Or go to a new company and make a fresh start. Lucky I haven't given my number out to many people. Shit. I don't know. Anyone have any suggestions?

I should just buy a CB Radio... Actually, that would kinda rock.

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

 
 
I said what you wanted to hear. And what I wanted to say. So I will take it back. Are all the dishes intact. Let them be broken. It's easy to be easy and free. When it doesn't mean anything, you remain selfless, cold and composed. You've done me no favor to call and be nice. Telling me I can take anything I like. You don't owe me to be so polite. You've done no wrong. You've done no wrong. Get out of my sight. It's easy to be easy and free. When it doesn't mean anything, to remain selfless, cold and composed. Come on baby, now throw me a right to the chin. Don't just stare like you never cared. I know you did. You just smiled like a bank teller. Blankly telling me, have a nice life. Come on baby, throw me a right to the chin. Just one sign that could show me that you give a shit. But you just smile politely and I grow weaker and I- said what you wanted to hear. And what I wanted to say. So I will take it back. It's easy to be, easy and free. When it doesn't mean anything. When it doesn't mean anything. You can take anything, so selfless, cold and composed... speaking of which. You just smile politely. I love that. Especially when I get home and am way too tired to give you the love your young body needs. Instead you fix me warm milk and rub my shin splints. You just smile politely. I don't know what that mysterious buzzing is coming from the bathroom once I've gone to bed, but I'm always too sleepy to ask. You're such a good dame.
 
 
  home   back   index   next   howl