who dat? contest.

(yo stee. i know
who dat?)

last game:

playwright chris durang

first correct answer:

sean doran

tragedy! (?)

I might as well start off with the big news: the couch is gone.

Yes, I was away this weekend and Pamela was taking care of the cat and she left a voice mail message on my cell phone, "News on the couch front. Call me." Well, I didn't get the message because I was in the mountains, but sure enough, the couch and his new lover, the little sweet blue couch, are gone. We can only hope the couch-eating monster did not come and break the lovers in half, each screaming out the others' name. We hope instead that in the middle of the night, the two stole away together, and are now living happily in some forest somewhere, we they can be alone, having no one to put garbage on them or discard them or make up lies to them about their future. They can be alone together and have dirty couch sex and raise little cushions some day. That what we like to hope anyway...

So this weekend was the big Todd bachelor party up in Big Bear. We rented a couple cabins (the girls were going separatly with separate lodging) and we'd all hang out gender-secluded Friday night and then co-ed the second night. Todd was on set that day so others went up early and I was going to hang back and go up with Todd and his bro and a friend from New York. So we went to get Todd from set where he's doing a movie, and he announced that would be stuck on set until one a.m. They totally fucked him, basically, once promising he'd have the day off even. So we ended up sitting in Todd's trailer for 5 hours, drinking beers we'd brought and eating craft services junk and watching tapes of Mr. Show I had packed. We left indeed at about 1:30am and drove straight up, getting there around 4am. Some of the guys had been up there since 4pm, so they were drunk and/or asleep, but some had gotten lost and just made it up too. We stayed up for a few hours and drank and it started snowing and we all just chatted and listened to music and talked.

On Saturday we all woke up too early and headed out for breakfast. Naturally, we couldn't find the local joint so we ended up at Denny's. Yeah. What we found, however, was that the waitresses in Big Bear: very very nice. I give high praises to Allison, the Big Bear Denny's waitress who kept us in coffee all morning and even ran after us when one of us had forgotten something. We then headed to this mountain with huge concrete slides running down them. You buy tickets and ride a ski lift up and then slide down on these sleds with wheels. Fucking incredibly fun, these things. I almost flipped it on one curve, which is apparently possible and not so good. Big Bear not being a huge place, the girls showed up, not knowing we'd be there. We soon left and went to rent a pontoon boat, but the docks were closed. I'm glad, because we ended up heading back to our little group of cabins and having a fucking blast. The place was very woodsy and cute, but still had an area with a basketball court and horseshoes and a ping pong table. So we all started drinking and playing games. I mostly played ping pong, having epic battles with a friend of mine, who beat me more than I did him. Whichever of us won, though, quickly vanquished any challengers and it went back to just me and him again. Ping Pong is fucking fun, yo. I totally forgot. I used to love that game. We then had a big H.O.R.S.E. competition on the basketball court, which came down to me and the groom to be. After knocking off my last opponent with a trick bounce shot off the floor, I knocked Todd off with a Hoosiers-style granny shot. Anyway, this foolishness continued non-stop until the girls said they were on their way and we took our blue hands and drunken freezing faces inside to get ready.

The girls had decided we were going to do karaoke. So they showed up and injected some welcome estrogen into the group and we all caravaned over to a local biker bar. The place was teeming with locals, and at first it was a bit too crowded and weird (a guy playing pool had a hook for a hand.) But we all started loosening up and people began signing up to go sing on the little stage -- the karaoke being run by this big biker with a full mouth-covering mustache/beard combo. Drinks flowed and people sang. After a little while, we started taking over the stage. Mostly, we were not obnoxious. We were fun and we cheered on the locals who sang and made everyone feel good. One friend of mine, very drunk, got a little nuts during his Sweet Child O'Mine and stood on a table and yelled, "Big Bear, are you a bunch of pussies or what?" I immediately waited for the fists to start flying, but I got him off the table and everything went alright. I hate singing, (well, I love it but suck,) but I ended up singing Mmm mmm mmm mm and then Touch Me, by The Doors. I had a fucking blast, mostly because it was something I have only done once and hate, despite my love for performing. I just hate singing in public. I want to, I'm just not that good. But I did sing our last show no problem, so maybe I'm just being stupid. Anyway, after the ladies all sang Girls Just Want To Have Fun, we all took off and headed back to the cabins for poker and dancing and drinking. We all crashed around 5am and woke up only a few hours later to do some major cleaning and then to meet for a final breakfast. Right behind the breakfast place was a big lake and we went down and started fucking with the ducks and took some pictures. I was preaching to the ducks here because it was Sunday and they didn't look like they had God in their hearts:

I'm all about the duck love.

Anyway, the weekend was mucho fun. Little drama. Much drunken "I love you, man!" stuff which is all good. I'm rather proud of us that we didn't do the typical strippers and puking bachelor thing. This was much more warm and pure and fun. Not that some titties wouldn't have been welcome, but I like how we did it. The wedding is this coming up weekend. Man. It's starting, y'all...

Last night we watched the big Growing Pains reunion special on ABC. I now think Alan Thicke is the devil. And the Christian morality they kept sliding in there. And Ben's teeth. And the script. And the plugs for the Disney Channel. It was all too too much for me. I had to watch some porn to cleanse myself.

My sister is very funny. She wrote me about her and a friend entering their dogs in a costume contest. She's a fucking pisser:

Doris and I entered Earl and Reny in the pet store costume contest last week. Earl was a pirate and Reny a parrot. They took second place, lost to a weiner dog dressed as a hotdog. Doris kept saying "we got robbed!" and badgering the judges as to why there was no prize for second place (first was $50). We really thought we were going to win -- we even tried to beef up the sympathy factor by having the dogs wear special ribbons, Reny's said "My first birthday" and Earl's said "I'm proud of me".

This reminded me a lot of some school ribbons my friend has on his door. One reads, "I try my best." and the other, "I can dress myself." We want to do a whole series of these, like, "It's not my fault." and "I can stop any time I want." Poor dog.

Oh, and the other night I met Shelley. And yes, she is as cool as you think she is.


...While sadly Road Rules has ended, my first recap for The $treet is up. Go read and sign up for the mailing list. Make your mom proud.

Currently at Three Way Action:


Share your non-sexual turn-ons.

Did you get sucked in by the hype and see Charlie's Angels.

Beware! This thread is a time suck.

Discuss the Growing Pains movie.

The wonderful world of handbags.

And help sara get a read on a boy.

The Anna Nicole Smith Happy Song Corner

Wishful. Crystal water covers everything in blue. Coolin' water. Wishful sinful. Our love is beautiful to see. I know where I would like to be: right back where I came. Wishful, sinful, wicked blue. Water covers you. Wishful, sinful, wicked you. Can't escape the blue. Magic risin'. Sun is shinin' deep beneath the sea, but not enough for you and me and sunshine. Love to hear the wind cry. Wishful sinful. Our love is beautiful to see. I know where I would like to be: right back where I came. Wishful, sinful, wicked blue. Water covers you. Wishful, sinful, wicked you. Can't escape the blue. Love to hear the wind cry. Love to hear you cry, yeah, yeah... speaking of which. You know what I wish, y'all? I wish y'all fuckers... no, not y'all, but the rest of y'all. You know. You know... Anyway, I wish you would get off my case. It's all none of your business anyway. It's just between him, and me, and God, and my son, the lil' fucker, wherever he is... Hey, Lil' Fucker! Have you seen him? I saw him heading off with that bailiff earlier. They were heading around to that back alley to play, I guess. I think... Oh, damn, y'all!
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