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it's friday. i kiss you!!!!!

So it is a wonderful Friday and I’m feeling great for many reasons – not the least of which is the fact that I have tonight and tomorrow off from rehearsal!!! I thought I was to be called but they have tech stuff to do and since for fucking once I’m not involved behind the scenes at all: I don’t have to be there. Oh yeah! You have no idea…

Another reason for the glory of today is the fact that Friday = bowling. And after last week’s debacle I was loathe to go again. But I did. And after my pitiful 80 or something last week, I fucking rebounded like a champ today for a 160. Not wonderful but I got my stroke back. While much of my relative success today can be attributed to the fact that we had a 3 year-old bowling manic Ryan on one side, and a 70 year-old drunk woman on the other side providing ample entertainment, the bulk of the success is due to the fact that my shitty new ex-WPBA bowling champ co-worker was not there, and neither were any "special" people giving me old-bowling-nemesis-Alex flashbacks.

I’ve been sitting on news for a week, and can finally announce: my ass is a finalist for two awards. Best New Journal and Best Comedic Entry. I remember when Plaintive Wail was just starting a few months ago everyone was up in arms about the unfairness/irrelevance of the awards blah blah blah. Well, I’m fucking happy as hell. I always hated when Woody Allen and others would shun the Oscars even though they were recognized. Fuck that. Thank you all for embracing my fool ass into this lil’ community here. Now go vote for me and gimme the awards, dammit! (And I just happened across an entry where this chick said she would not vote for me because, though she hadn’t read the site at all, she knew I was the dude who made that survey – and she "hates surveys". God, that just seems so petty to me. Don't vote for me, fine, but at least check the damn site before you mouth off and end up sounding like a pretentious a-hole.)


…The Andy Dick Memorial Bust Pool is ON, baby. Here is a list of the current guesses to be arrested this month:

scott weiland
jay mohr
puff daddy
matthew modine
calista flockhart
robert downey jr.
christian slater
Haley Joel Osment (the kid from The Sixth Sense)
bobby brown
one of the backstreet boys
brooke shields
ally sheedy
pat buchanan
fred durst (from limp bizkit)
matthew perry
sly stallone
rose mcgowan
celine dion
leo dicaprio
james cameron

EXPERT ANALYSIS: I’d have to say at this point Scott Weiland, ODB, Bobby Brown, and Fred Durst are probably the most logical bets, seeing as how they have all had run-ins with the law. Don’t count out such obviously near-the-edge contestants as Calista Flockhart, Ally Sheedy and Christian Slater. Overall the choices are excellent as even longshots Osment and Dion are within the limits of reason. My personal favorite longshots Modine and Mohr have had career problems of late – always an ingredient for trouble. I would suggest that Downey is a wasted vote as he’s already in jail – though I assume being involved in a prison altercation such as an escape attempt or some good old-fashioned ass rape might qualify. (LATE BREAKING NEWS: Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra arrested in Florida! Oh, why didn’t someone put the obvious choice Rodman on the list. Oh the humanity!)

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

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Chickety China that Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'. Watchin X-files with no lights on, we're dans la maison, I hope the smoking man's in this one. Like Harrison Ford I'm gettin frantic. Like Sting I'm tantric. Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy. Like Kurasawa I make mad films. ‘Kay I don't make films. But if I did they'd have a Samauri. Gonna get a better set of clubs gonna find the kind with tiny nubs just so my iron's aren't always flyin’ off the back-swing. Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon cuz the cartoon has got the boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing… speaking of which. Kurasawa made mad films? Why was he so darn angry?

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