celebrity interview: tori amos
In effort to continue my troubled interview series, I was going down a list of publicists, making calls. Eventually I came to and dialed Tori Amos reps. I gave my typical schpiel, ready for the CLICK that always followed, when strangely I was granted the interview. Apparently Tori doesnt like to do much press but has agreed to make a real concerted effort in support of To Venus and Back. I was stunned. And scared. And excited. And then hungry so I made a sandwich.
I arrive at a posh suite on the fourth floor of LAs famed hotel Chateau Marmont. Many people have died in the Chateau and I really feel the spirits of such stars as John Belushi stirring in the breeze. Or maybe I dont. Ive never really been in "touch" with that sort of thing.
Toris publicist answers the door and leads me into a swanky room where Tori sits, looking radiant and red-headed on a black duvet. At least I think its a duvet. It might just be a couch. Wordlessly the rises and hugs me. I can feel the absolute sincerity in the hug. She sits back down and smiles. She has very good posture and locks eyes with me. In fact her eyes almost never leave mine. It gets kind of creepy.
ME: So. Thank you for agreeing to sit down with me.
Its past noon my time, and Regis did not call me. Fucker. Im trying him again. "I wont be ignored, Regis."
The question of moons in our solar system has elicited far more response than I ever could have guessed. It is a comfort, and a bit of a shock, to discover that my readers care about shit like that. Im sorry I underestimated yall. From now on we only discuss intelligent, worldly things. No more fear of the Kool-Aid Man. No more TapLights. No more tales of stars masturbating in public restrooms. Just science, baby. Get ready.
So for those interested, here is an email I received on the names of some of our moons:
>>I don't know that many of Jupiter's moons, though I know that they were all>named after the god Jupiter's sexual conquests. I do know the names of the>four big moons discovered by Galileo: Io, Ganymede, Callisto, and Europa>(Ganymede is, I think, the only one of Jupiter's moons named after a boy.)>>I don't think Galileo named them that, though, I think he named them after>his patron, and they were later renamed. I'm going to guess that another>couple of Jupiter's lovers are also moons: Alcmena, mother of Hercules, and>Semele, mother of Bacchus. But I'm not sure without looking them up, either>on the NASA website or in Ovid. And I can't remember any more of those>unlucky women.>>I think Saturn's moons are all named after Titans. The only Titan I remember>is Rhea.>>Pluto's moon, if the habit of using mythological relationships holds, is>probably Charon (ferryman of the dead), though it could also be either the>three-headed dog Cerberus or the Lord of the Dead's unwilling consort>Persephone.>>How'd I do? Tell me that effort I spent acquiring a classical education>wasn't entirely wasted.
Well. There you go.
Back at your moms house
Heres a brief glimpse into Stees sometime bizarre thought process: In thinking about Tevin Campbells arrest, I remembered he used to write his name like this: T.E.V.I.N. And then I was reminded of the movie D.A.R.Y.L. about the child robot. Remember that? And then I flashed on that old sitcom Small Wonder, and came to this conclusion:
Child robots are scary.
check this. Funny site.
From the Last Chance Department
I got through to Regis again. Today was very easy. First dial. And today is the last day: (please forgive all spelling errors)
Put these words in order to make a 80s syndicated
OK. Scary, but obviously 4,2,1,3. CORRECT!!!
Put these events in Asian History from oldest to most
Put these teeth in order from front to back:
I froze. I dont even remember what I entered. I suck.
But I get one more try today. I get through:
Put these words in order to form the name of a 70s
Celebrate good times baby. 4,3,1,2. CORRECT.
Put these volcanoes in the order you would pass over them
if you were flying East from London:
WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding me, Regis? What the hell kind of second question is that???
"Im sorry, times up."
So you wont be seeing me on the show this go-around. Regis will be back probably early next year. And lord knows Ill be trying.
I had a three hour-long meeting (we drank at a swank place at the table next to David Spade) with this former ICM agent / Big Studio VP of Production who likes my script. Basically Im in massive turmoil about it today because of the "deal" shes offering me. I dont know if I should accept or not. I dont want to talk too much about it right now, but at times like this I wish I wasnt so TOTALLY ON MY OWN. I have no agent. No manager. No old screenwriting teacher to go to. My mom doesnt know shit. My girlfriend knows less than I do. My writer friends are either oddly jealous or just dont know. My actor friends just want a part in the thing. And the question is this: Who Do You Trust? Well, I wanted independence and self-reliance, I fucking got it, in spades. Ive given myself a week to decide.
From the Proves Robs Point That Male Journalers Are Sissies Department
The girls got a new toy today. Cute cute cute.
Show tonight. Not ready. Want to go home and sleep. Argh ack blech.
The Larry King Happy