who dat? contest.
(yo stee. i know
David Spade. I have to give him fucking crazy props. At the VH1 whatever music awards he came up and said, "Hi. I'm David Spade. I just got beat up and stunned by my friend." And then he went on to announce an award. That's class, man. And funny as hell.
Let's continue with the MTV Top 100 Greatest Pop Songs countdown.
50 LITTLE RED CORVETTE Prince. I don't know. I guess this is probably going to be the highest Prince song. I hope not. But if it is... eh. Not the best. I think 1999 or Question of U or When Doves Cry or, hell, Purple Rain are all better. But Prince is great (was great) and this is a good mid-countdown song. D'oh! I look down to see When Doves Cry farther down. I'm not a smart man.
49 TANGLED UP IN BLUE Bob Dylan. Oh dear. Is this a pop song? Well, regardless. I don't consider myself a HUGE Bob Dylan fan. But. If you listen to this song and don't get totally caught up and just awed by the artistry, kill yourself. Great great huge song.
48 JEREMY Pearl Jam. No. No! Jeremy. Eh. I hate Jeremy. No, let me say that differently. There are 200 better Pearl Jam songs that could make this list. OK, fine, five. But still. There is no planet on which Alive is not a better pop song than Jeremy. I also... I forgot what I was going to say. But, I respect Pearl Jam very much. Yes, he's a Nader freak and looks insane these days with the fat and the beard and the smell and the dirt, but they don't suck the Man's dick, and you have to respect that.
47 JUMP Van Halen. Yes. Great song. Are there better Van Halen songs? Yes. But this is fine. I would have rather Hot For Teacher, but that's just me. I brought my pencil.
46 THE TRACKS OF MY TEARS The Miracles. People say I'm the life of the party, because I tell a joke or two. Really nice song. I like I Wish It Would Rain better in this genre, but Tracks of My Tears is good. My first memory of this song is on one of those record collections during daytime TV and they also had Tears of A Clown and they showed this real clown crying and it scared the crap out of me and so by association I was scared of this song, and the Night the Lights Went Out In Georgia and a few others. I eventually got over it. Mostly.
45 TEARS IN HEAVEN Eric Clapton. Oh. Dear God. Please forgive me for having made a few Connor falling out the window jokes in my day. Tasteless. Tasteless. And I swear I didn't mean what I said about Eric Clapton cashing in on his son's death. I swear. This is a beautiful song. Beautiful. If only Eric Clapton's face wasn't an emotionless mask, I might have felt more during his famous Unplugged performance of it.
44 DANCING QUEEN ABBA. I'm stupid and never knew Abba didn't speak a word of English when they did this song. That's funny. It's like that Nina with the 99 Luftballoons, when she did the American version. Abba. Never touched me, but this naturally has to be here. Can't argue against it. Oh, and yes, this is another extremely gay song. (When I challenged people to name a gayer song than I Will Survive, I got some suggestions and after careful consideration, I think, yes, It's Raining Men might be a gayer song that I Will Survive. Even than Frankie Goes To Hollywood and all Village People.)
43 MISS YOU The Rolling Stones. Don't like this Disco shit they did. Sorry. But then again, I'm not a Stones man. I like the early stuff, but after that. Naw. Sorry.
42 EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE The Police. Not my favorite Police song by a longshot. This was really a powerful band. A charismatic trio with three strong-willed people. Too bad Sting's ego was bigger than even Stewart or Andy's. Their Behind The Music was hysterical, watching them fighting. The Police occupied a huge place in my musical imagination when I was 12. I coveted by records of theirs. Almost as much as Ratt.
41 PROUD MARY Creedence Clearwater Revival. Don't like the CCR. I don't like the fake Bayou accents. I don't like the voice. I don't. Sorry. The degree that I like CCR is due solely to Jeff Bridges' character in The Big Lebowski.
40 I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU Whitney Houston. Eh. Yeah, it's an amazingly catchy song and extremely well-sung. Yes, at the time it was in every single person in America's brain. Whitney's just such a mess... wait, that should make me like her, huh? I hope those Jodie Foster/Kelly McGillis/Whitney lover's triangle jokes are true.
39 IRIS Goo Goo Dolls. Fuck you. Once again, I saw them live at a Young Dems Event recently, and they didn't make me twitch a muscle, which the lamest one-legged homeless man playing the recorder through his nose on the 3rd street Promenade can do. They Suck Ass.
38 CHANGES David Bowie. Not my favorite Bowie song, but it deserves to be here, sure.
37 OPP Naughty By Nature. Again, what they're doing with rap here is con-fucking-founding. How does Naughty By Nature deserve to be here, but 25 other outfits who also have cross-over hits don't? Bring on the Beastie Boys or I jump.
36 WATERFALLS TLC. This is another song I didn't want to like, but did. I liked the Abyss-creature video, except the heavy-handedness of it. I like that one of them burned her boyfriend's house down. And all their public feuds. These chicks are funny. But where's the Salt 'N Pepper then? And what's that other band with What A Man and such? Oh... I can't think. The Wycleff I'm playing is making it hard for me to think with lines like, "I'm going to make like Sting and turn murder into art." -- Took my shit five minutes to realize what the hell he was talking about.
35 BORN TO RUN Bruce Springsteen. Yeah, sure. I don't personally like Bruce, but yeah, his songs have sent a chill or two down my spine.
34 YOU OUGHTA KNOW Alanis Morissette. When I first saw this video, I was totally convinced she was very ugly because of they way they never quite showed her face. It was just like the way they never directly showed Scott Weiland's during that first STP song so that we might actually think we were listening to Pearl Jam. But no, she's quite attractive, so I guess they were just going enigmatic. Or maybe it's because she's Canadian, and they didn't want to scare her with the bright lights and noises.
33 MY GENERATION The Who. Yeah. Good song. Again, much much better Who songs. Baba O'Reilly might be one of the best songs ever written. But I understand the whole historical relevance of the song. I just don't like listening to it too much, as much as I might appreciate it. Theoretical appreciation, as opposed to aesthetic.
32 (SITTIN' ON THE) DOCK OF THE BAY Otis Redding. Yes. OK. Again, these are songs I loved in early high school but got played out for me to the point where I don't know if I ever need to hear them again. But yeah, I can't dislike this song.
31 SMOOTH Santana. No. NO. Again, a case of a song being very catchy but you hate it on principal. Why do you hate it? Fucking Rob Thomas. Ack. I hate Matchbox Whatever with all my heart. But I have to admit, Carlos Santana is one crafty motherfucker.
30 YOUR SONG Elton John. Naw. 100 better Elton John songs. I reject this.
29 BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY Queen. OK. Love it to death, but how is this a pop song? Man. This is due only to Mike Meyers and Penelope Spheeris, you know that right?
28 IN MY LIFE The Beatles. Great song. I'm a big fan of most every Beatles song, though, so picking the handful for this countdown seems to me very very hard. This is a favorite of high school seniors everywhere. That, and Vitamin C's Graduation.
27 WHEN DOVES CRY Prince. My 60-year old Indonesian Aunt used to embarrass me by singing this at full volume in malls with her jewelry slapping against her head.
26 GO YOUR OWN WAY Fleetwood Mac. No. You go your own way.
What do you think about this 100 Greatest Pop Songs list?
Oh my lover. Don't you know it's alright? You can love her. You can love me at the same time. Much to discover. I know you don't have the time but, oh my lover. Don't you know it's alright? Oh my sweet thing. Oh my honey thighs. Give me your troubles. I'll keep them with mine. Take at your leisure. Take whatever you can find but, oh my sweet thing. Don't you know it's alright ? It's alright. It's alright. There's no time. So it's alrigh-igh-ight. What's that color forming around your eyes? Once my lover, tell me that it's alright. Just another, before you go...go away. Oh my lover. Why don't you just say my name ? And it's alright. Say it's alright. There's no time... speaking of which. Oh my lover. Um...do you mind putting on this costume? Yeah, it's just a little thing. I mean, it's no big deal, you know, if you don't want to. I mean, yeah? Really? OK. Oh, and hey, there's this lasso, do you mind... OK? Yeah? Good. Oh, and these bracelets. They're gold. Well, gold plated, you know. OK, cool? You're cool? Right. Great. I just have to use the... I'll be right back. Cool.
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