who dat? contest.

(yo stee. i know
who dat?)

last game:

cali governor gray davis

first correct answer:

the mayor of sacramento, and queen of all she surveys,

left column want someone to just hold hands with and maybe kiss and cuddle and maybe some nice-nice too, maybe. Pretty ladies?

the stee awards

Awards usually get people all in a righteous tizzy - something I find kinda funny. I love awards, despite the Sean Penn's and Woody Allen's of this world decrying them, claiming one can't judge one thing over another. I don't care. It's human nature to rank things. To put things in a hierarchy.

But, to placate those who take issue with awards and judging things, I'm going to do some awards that no one could possibly get in a huff about. (Well, I'm sure someone will find a way.) But anyway, here we go:

The First Annual Stee Awards

There will be three nominees in each category, chosen by scientific method: Stee thinks of them. Ready. OK.

Best Chip Ending in "OS"

1 - Fritos.
2 - Cheetos.
3 - Doritos.

Ugliest Current Sports Figure

1 - Sam Cassell
2 - Randy Johnston
3 - Brad Clontz

Best Brady Bunch Episode

1 - "Pass the Tabu." Greg is nearly obliterated in a surfing episode, supposedly because of the tiki. A tarantula crawls on Peter.
2 - "The Driver's Seat." Marcia bets Greg she can outscore him on her driving test.
3 - "Law and Disorder." Bobby becomes power-crazy when he is named hall monitor.

Best Hall & Oates Song

1 - Maneater
2 - Kiss On My List
3 - I Can't Go For That, (No Can Do)

Best Movie Food Combo

1 - Diet Coke. Popcorn. Junior Mints.
2 - Dr. Pepper. Popcorn. Red Vines.
3 - Smuggled-in beer. Popcorn. Milk Duds (poured into the popcorn).

Funniest State Capital Name

1 - Montpelier
2 - Juneau
3 - Bismarck

Best Pointer Sister

1 - Ruth
2 - Anita
3 - Bonnie

Easiest Drink To Get Fucked-Up On

1 - Tequila Shots
2 - Long Island Ice Teas
3 - Kamikazes

Best Norm Enters Cheers Line

1 - "What's the story, Norm?" "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy gets another beer. In this performance, the role of the boy will be played by Norm Peterson."
2 - "How's a beer sound, Norm?" "I dunno'. I usually finish them before they get a word in."
3 - "What do you know there, Norm?" "How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?"

Worst Break-Up Excuse

1 - It's not you, it's me.
2 - I don't deserve you.
3 - I need some space.

Best Sports Cliché

1 - We gave 110%.
2 - He's playing to win out there.
3 - There's no "I" in "team".

Best Thing To Suck On

1 - Altoids
2 - Hard Candies
3 - Toothpicks

Weirdest 5-Letter "F" Word

1 - Fjord
2 - Frond
3 - Fiona

Worst Candy

1 - Rocky Road
2 - Big Cherry
3 - Abba Zaba

Coolest Film Monkey

1 - Amy from Congo
2 - Clyde from Any Which Way But Loose
3 - The monkey from Outbreak

Best Barry

1 - White
2 - Bonds
3 - Williams

OK. So if you want to, go ahead and vote. And no write-in votes, bitches.

Have a good weekend. Go kiss someone.

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY: Day one of 4 day meth bender. At one point I ended up in Des Moines trying to buy back the motorcycle I had pawned. But then I wondered: when did I get a motorcycle???

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

We live on a mountain. Right at the top. There's a beautiful view. From the top of the mountain. Every morning I walk towards the edge. And throw little things off. Like car parts, bottles and cutlery. Or whatever I find lying around. It's become a habit. A way to start the day. I go through all this. Before you wake up. So I can feel happier. To be safe up here with you. I go through all this. Before you wake up. So I can feel happier. To be safe up here with you. It's real early morning. No one is awake. I'm back at my cliff. Still throwing things off. I listen to the sounds they make. On their way down. I follow with my eyes 'til they crash. Imagine what my body would sound like. Slamming against those rocks. When it lands. Will my eyes. Be closed or open?... speaking of which. I live at the top of this beautiful high-rise where I sit most nights at the window with a brandy and a bowl of eggs (for protein) and plan my take-over of New York. But I then realize I'm a feeble old man and don't really have time to take over New York legitimately, so then I pretend I'm a giant ape and I take over New York that way. Stepping on people and climbing up buildings and causing terror and panic wherever I go - everyone running and screaming because I'm so scary and hideous... kind of like the reaction I got from the kids when I came to pick up my grandson at Dalton the other day.
  home   back   index   next   howl