who dat? contest.

(yo stee. i know
who dat?)

last game:

tupperware-selling folk-singing lesbian

first correct answer:

lori shriner - check out the link to her bad-ass chick rock band. if you live in nyc, go see them.

left column not sure anyone understand anymore.

change-your-underwear tv

Oh good Christ I'm busy today. I'm listening to Helmet right now to make my nervous/busy shaking at least seem like I'm sit-slamdancing to the music.

So, I was reading the trades, and noticed a page I usually skip over: Syndication. And in reading this, I was shocked by the National Standings - basically the Top 10 Syndicated show on television. Syndication is big business, but sort of the retarded sister of network TV. It is reruns and game shows and talk shows and entertainment magazines and crap like Xena and shit. You know what it is. You know the vibe. You know who watches it. I watch the entertainment magazines occasionally, and the sitcom reruns, but that's about it. As I said before, I grew up on the syndicated runs of old The Odd Couple episodes, and MASH, and Cheers. Now there is The Simpsons and Friends.

So check out the Top 10. Some of this shit... man.

10 - The Jerry Springer Show.
Naturally. I'm not surprised by this. Jerry sort of had his 15 minutes in the spotlight, and now he's relegated to the rest of the talkie ghetto. He just does better than his peers because of the fighting and the sex and the, recently, off-camera murders. I find Jerry not worth talking about anymore. Buh-Bye.

9 - Frasier.
You know, I used to dig Frasier, but it no longer does it for me. I laugh, sure, and I think the cast is fantastically talented, and I loved Cheers to death, but it just doesn't quite do it for me. No offense, no real reason, just no longer my cup of tea. I watched this past Tuesday night and enjoyed it well enough, but I always end up just drooling over the living room set. (Ooh, that sounded kinda gay, huh?)

8 - Wheel of Fortune (weekend).
No shit. Really? I didn't even know this show was still on, let alone that it was this popular. Wheel of fucking Fortune? Huh.

7 - Seinfeld.
I miss Seinfeld. I so miss Seinfeld. Will this show ever get old? Maybe. But probably not. The four of them. I'm a big ol' Seinfeld nerd. And I didn't even watch at the beginning. I resisted, until M. made me watch tapes of the first season. Then I was hooked.

6 - Friends.
Yeah. I've talked about Friends before. Best sitcom on TV. Just gets better and better. Here's the order in which I like them: Chandler, Joey, Pheobe, Rachel, Monica, Ross. Hate Ross. Hate me some Ross. The degree that Joey has gotten better since the pilot is the degree Ross has gotten worse and more annoying. Hate that damn Ross.

5 - Entertainment Tonight.
I grew up on this show, unfortunately. I remember watching the Behind the Scenes during the making of The Breakfast Club. I watched from the beginning. I have the gene, I guess. I still catch it sometimes, but mostly it's what I just read in the trades that morning. Sycophantic and juvenile, I know. I don't care.

4 - The Oprah Winfrey Show.
She's good for those who watch her. Personally I have issues. Her magazine is pukey. Her sanctimoniousness as well. She does good. She gets people to read, regardless of what you think of her choices. I don't know. Whatever. You Go Girl.

3 - Judge Judy.
Ballbuster. Bitch. Rarely watch but I dig her. She makes me laugh. She's a bad-ass. But someone please tell her to stop writing Self-Help books.

2 - Jeopardy!
Love Jeopardy! Again, I never watch, but I approve and enjoy. I used to be quite good at it - back when I was smart.

1 - Wheel of Fortune.
What? What?! Wheel of Fortune is the fucking number one most watched syndicated show? We are talking about the show with the spinning and the Vanna and the Pat Sejak and the buying of vowels and shit, right? What? How? Why? Who? Who!! Who watches this show still? Jesus. I'm so out of the loop. I am not America. (Well, I'm glad I'm not America, if it would mean I'd have to watch Wheel of Fortune.) My dad used to make us watch this show during dinner. The day I realized it was not for me was when a lady had this for a "Fairy Tale Figure":

_ _ T H E R _ O O S E

...And she guessed "Father Moose."

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

Johnny, my love, get out of the business. It makes me wanna rough you up so badly. Makes me wanna roll you up in plastic. Toss you up and pump you full of lead. Johnny, my love, get out of the business. The odds are getting fatter by the minute, that I have got a bright and shiny platter. And I am gonna get your heavy head. I only ask because I'm a real cunt in spring. You can rent me by the hour. I know all about the ugly pilgrim thing. Entertainers bring May flowers. So Johnny, my love, we got us a witness. Now all we gotta do is get a preacher. He can probably skip the "until death" part. 'Cause Johnny, my love, you're already dead. I only ask because I'm a real cunt in spring. You can rent me by the hour. I know all about the ugly pilgrim thing. Entertainers bring May flowers. May flowers. May flowers. To you... speaking of which. One Halloween back in college, I was rooming with a little guy named Scotty. Scotty was one of those not-too-popular kids. Naturally I was running with the fast crowd, as I'm wont to do. So my frat buddies were over one night and Skip said he didn't know what to be for Halloween. I was going as James Dean, of course, and Flip was going as The Big Bopper and Tab had this great Liberace thing - this was before, you know. Anyway, Flip told Scotty that the coolest costume this year, all the rage, was going to be pilgrims. So sure enough, the party was jumping and we were liquored up on some home-brewed hooch, and Scotty showed up wearing this ugly pilgrim thing. We laughed so hard we nearly wet ourselves. (Well... I actually did, but shhhh.) Funny thing is, Scotty ended up going home with my sweetheart, Mandy Manchinovitz. Damn that dirty pilgrim.
  home   back   index   next   howl