left column
is the loneliest column
in the world.

hi! hey! hi pretty girl. monkey-girls.

but stee backlash already start to happen.
that so funny. he so confused and a little embarrassed. but we no mind. funny.

6pm. hills. walking.

You have your quiet little life
In your quiet little land
With your quite familiar skin
With its quiet little tan

Forty-thousand miles away
Maybe less or maybe more
I stand tall and super-sonic
With my hand upon my door

Couldn't be where I'd been being
Had to make up stolen sleep
Ninety-seven minutes later
Forty-thousand fucking sheep

You come home from cocktail hour
Husband on his way to Tee
Kids somewhere else, not my interest
How your skin tastes, that's for me

Knew each other years ago now
Did I know you? Did you I?
Was our friendship torn asunder?
Did our merging go awry?

I jump out of bed for good
TV? Book? A friend to talk?
Flannel shirt, blue jeans, and boots on
Out the door, I start to walk

As the light above the city
Disappears as did your heart
In the cold and quiet back-streets
Like a barfly's final dart

Pointedly and with a purpose
Past the white symbolic sign
Through the valley, past the train tracks
Past a long-closed copper mine

Past the mountains, fields, a river
Near as wide as it is long
Past a town with 50 people
Past a city millions strong

You are sitting in your dayroom
Though it's night and you're alone
You became a wife so early
It's a choice you can't bemoan

Happiness is secondary
Money changes everything
Your young passion, redirected
How the light plays off your ring

Through the tunnel I continue
To the city, to your street
To your block past that one corner
Once ago we'd planned to meet

As you struggle not to let
A plaintive wail rise from your throat
There's a knocking at the front door
Someone's gotten past the moat

Down the stairs you pitter patter
Open up, a deep voice cries
And the door, it swings quite open
There's no reason for surprise

After that what does transpire?
Do you now become my wife?
Can you change in such an instant?
I don't know. It's not my life.


…Saturday night we had our reading. Action script. First time hearing it aloud. 20 people in a small apartment.

I loved it. I was extremely pleased. We noticed a few rough scenes, scenes that needed tweaking, but all in all it sounded great. And when hearing my own stuff, things usually jump out at me, but it didn't here. Quite surprised. We got a few notes, but mostly they were contradictory and just unhelpful. That sounds rude, but they were. M. made a suggestion that was so clear and concise, it made everything else seem ridiculous. She has a very good ear, despite not being a writer.

(Although she failed when trying to help me come up with a new vibe. I was complaining that I can no longer be smoking guy in the corner with the mystery. So I came up with a few alternative nicknames/vibes:

"Bouncy" - bouncing a little ball everywhere I go
"Flip-man" - flipping the quarter, leaning against the lamppost
"Pointer" - everyone gets pointed at, as in: "hey there"

But none seemed to work, and M. suggested I just stick with the current "Twitchy" "Irritable-man" and "Babbles".)

But honestly, this weekend I was on one long manic talking jag. Three hour monologues that had the room cracking up, but left me tired and a little embarrassed. Last night, then, I couldn't sleep. I had probably the worst night of sleep in four or five years. Don't know what's wrong with me.


…On Sunday as my mania continued, I bought 80 bucks worth of CD's for no reason. And last night as I was driving around to and from Superbowl stuff, I listened to Eminem's album. Here's a quick thought on him:

I love him.

Not only does he have Skills, but what is great about him is the fact that he doesn't talk about bitches and ho's, doesn't talk about "the benjamins", doesn't brag about how great he is (3 things that currently totally dominate the rap scene, thematically). Rather, he does something really odd and cool. He brings self-loathing to the rap game. And it's funny and disturbing and like he says, he "just don't give a fuck". And it shows.


…After leaving my computer on all night, I shut the thing down normally. Next time I started it up, it said that it was going to open in SAFE MODE using minimal drivers blah blah blah. Anyway, now it opens each time automatically in safe mode. Help.


…We got some great American Beauty haiku. Just sick and wrong. Here are some of them:

float, float, paper bag
(Scott Bakula is gay now)
blood is beautiful

nice poufy nipples
(he starred in Quantum Leap once)
i am your stalker

if i leave tonight
(Scott's tight ass in jogging pants)
will you go with me?


Mommy likes flowers
Daddy likes my best girl friend
she is a virgin

Neighbors are homo
Is everybody homo?
Look. See. New neighbors.

Film brings me life lite
I focus on your soft face
the boobs are nice too.

-jessica kaman

Action adventure,
Sex, Romantic Comedy
Now don't sell enough

Need a genre change?
What should the next big thing be?
existential angst!

Here American Beauty
spawned American Psycho
Expect many more


Mom asked if I saw,
"That film with the dirty man."
Then she grounded me.


I love real estate
My lover's eyebrows scare me
Maybe I'll tweeze them

-jeff long

Spacey kissed a guy
This is new for movie roles
Not for his real life

Who is Thora Birch
Wasn't she on a sitcom?
Them's huge ass nipples

-Stephanie Caviness

Chris Cooper abounds
with panache and suave to spare
but Spacey steals show


gay couple next door
only normal folk around
curiouser and...

reading nabokov
crying silently at dusk
my life unfolds now

moving toward end
looking down upon my corpse
it's all trivial

-Tom Witherspoon

Old guy smokes and lifts
In the garage all alone
Regression through lust

Psychotic Realtor
Her everything's perfect
Big gun in her purse

Sam Mendes directs
He seems to like little girls
Gratuitous tits

Plastic bag dances
Sledgehammer symbolism
Very hard to miss

-Nick Condon

Sure, you'd kill my dad
But would you stop filming me
please? it's annoying

Real estate mogul
fucking my wife in the ass.
Trade secrets? yeah, right.


girl on the ceiling
oooh! she's naked! petals fall
have to masturbate

-Misty Thompson

I was so Depressed
Than I rediscovered pot
I feel better now

I like plastic bags
Lighting small fires in yards
trimming my eyebrows

Oh no! Woe is Me!
A Cheap Christina Ricci
is all I can be!



…So my entire division here at work is moving. Two years in the same building. How excited am I about this move? If a naked Cate Blanchett walked up to me with a carton of smokes and told me that cigarettes were no longer bad for you and by the way, "do me", I would be less excited than I am about moving.

It's closer to my house. It's in a much much more centralized area with tons of restaurants and things around. And the biggest reason: it's different. I don't care if the new place is infested with screaming Outbreak ass-monkeys that steal your pens and pee in your CD's, I just want a fucking change of scenery. And I have it too good here to leave. Same with my apartment. I love it, but I've been there over 3 years now and I'm desperate for a change. But I have it too good there too.

So I'll be writing these from a new location, with hopefully a new outlook on my 40 hours a week of tedium. And if there are any huge typos or boring entries, blame the ass-monkeys, cuz you know, they're not that smart.

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

  I guess I thought you'd be here forever. Another illusion I chose to create. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. And I found out a little too late. Larry was acting as if you were lucky to have me. Doing you a favor. I hardly knew you at all. Then you were gone. And it all was wrong. Had no idea how much I cared. Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to. I should learn to live with it. But Larry don't want to. Being without you. It was all a big mistake. Instead of getting any easier, it's the hardest thing to take. Larry's addicted to you, baby. You're a hard habit to break… speaking of which. I went to the Magic Castle in L.A. once. The magician, seeing a big star there (moi, silly), pulled me onto the stage. The illusion I chose to create? Saw the woman in half. "Wish I could do that with a few of my exes", I quipped. The whole crowd: on the floor. Laaaaadies!

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