left column need date. left column don't want call house of the bad girls, but he will if it comes to that. save left column from bad bad girls, ladies.

a popular accouterment

I just thought I’d share this song with you. It’s by Jude. Like him. Fear him. Allow his voice to make to weep. Allow his guitar-playing to make you wonder whatever happened to Michael Penn:

This town’s got a shakedown to its roots.
I don’t know if that’s the sand or the tropical fruits.
I don’t believe all the things I see,
But I’m still betting on you and me.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.

I met a girl who looked like a movie star.
She was going for a ride and I don’t mean in a car.
Had a brain about the size of a frozen pea,
And on a scale of one to ten she was, twenty-three.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.

A big fat man’s gonna make me a king.
He got a see-through tan and a pinky diamond ring.
Slicked back hair, shirt to his thigh,
Import silk, slave-labor dyed.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.

A tattoo is a popular accouterment.
They come in reds and in blues, and it says anything you want.
Some folks say, you’re gonna regret,
But the somedays haven’t come around just yet.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.

And the boy whores sell their souls on the boulevard.
And that’s a shirt-free store where they don’t take credit-cards.
From the Hills to the chills it’s a quick fall down,
It’s a great big city, it’s a real small town.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.
Hey hey baby, we got to get out of L.A.

Speaking of music…

…I went to my Amazon.com recommendations section, and they made these odd-ball suggestions:

Music: The Indigo Girls. What??? What the fuck? Did I buy the video Go Fish or something, and not remember?

Books: They recommend Memoirs of a Geisha, and all three Harry Potter books. Harry Potter??? Did they find out I keep an online journal or something? Surprised they didn’t suggest a Buffy book.

Toys: Oh, well obviously someone did tell them about PW, because they recommended Cranium.

Electronics: A Palm Pilot. Just what I’m dying for…

Video: Alright, man. Fuck this. Somehow they think I’m all about Sci-fi, so I get The Matrix, Blade Runner, Brazil. So wrong. Oh look, OK, this isn’t funny anymore. I get Tae-Bo. Ha ha ha people. OK, some reader must work at Amazon, because next I get Elizabeth, starring who – my girlfriend Cate Blanchett. Very funny.


…My friends are a fucking mess, yo. Check this email I get this morning from a friend in NYC. (nasty stuff ahead):

"I went to the doctor yesterday.
I woke up feeling like a had your mom sitting on my bladder but I had a lot of trouble urinating. Only dribbles and still there was pressure. And the dribbles were cloudy red. Blood. Yeah. It was lame. Freaked me out. I went to work and called the doctor. Went in late in the day but spent the whole day trying to drain the weasel. Little luck until I drank 4 cups of water. Then it finally let go.
I'm thinking, damn. Infection... naah, that's just chicks. STD??? Fuck. Gonorrhea? Damn damn damn. And what the hell - if I've got that there's a chance I've got AIDS. fuck.
okay so I'm sufficiently freaked when I get to the doctor. I tell him the whole business and I still end up finding out he's from Moldavia "Is that the same as Moldova"
"Well, yes, it was previously called Moldova... but, uh, don't you want to talk about your problem?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
After he stuck his thumb up my butt he told me it wasn't an STD. No way.
So, what is doing this to me???
Kidney Stones.
What the fuck??? How old am I? Jesus."

Woah. That sucks. By the way, he’s my age. 27. Yuck. He went on to say a change in diet can eliminate them in the future. His dad said beer can help. If that’s true, I’m set.


…OK. After a back and forth session of nine thousand emails during which I made certain that Diane, Ceej, and Pamie would forever think I’m stupid, borderline retarded stupid, I think P.W.’s new domain should seriously be up very soon. I have to begin the task of renaming everything and fixing every link. Oh lord. You’ll be the first to know… well the only to know, so… Anyway, thank you endlessly you three… And thank you to networksolutions.com for making your host switching forms about as navigable as an Amtrak hallway playing home to a taping of Sweatin’ To the Oldies, Part 9. Thanks a fucking bunch.


…I finally talked to the dude who stroked my cock in Staples regarding my short film. Often in this town, someone will kiss your butt, and then the next time you talk to them they totally blow you off. Well, this time he was just as enthusiastic and cool as in the stationary store, leading me to believe that he wasn’t just drunk or trying to pick me up, but actually really likes the film and wants me to have a good agent. He said these four things: their New York office (he sent the short to them) liked it as much as he did, I should send it also to this chick at MONSTEROUSY AGGRESSIVE PRODUCTION/MANAGEMENT COMPANY via him, in the company’s recent move he lost my script so he wants me to send him another, and after he reads it we should meet. Cool, but again, until I have the check cashed, two hookers in my lap and a gram of blow on the coffee table of my new Hollywood Hills house, I’m not going to jump up and down. (I’m just kidding… I don’t need coke.)

Calling Andy Dick…

…Check this out. (Come to think of it, he even looks a bit like Andy Dick in a few years):

Star of TV's 'ALF' Arrested for Drunken Driving

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor Max Wright, best known for playing the father in the 1980s television comedy, ``ALF,'' was arrested Monday on suspicion of drunken driving following an accident on a Los Angeles freeway, police said.

A police spokeswoman said the accident on the Hollywood Freeway occurred at 10:30 a.m. PST. No one was injured but officers investigating the crash arrested Wright.

The actor portrayed Willie Tanner as the patriarch in the TV comedy about a furry ``Alien Life Form'' (ALF) from 1986 to 1990. Wright also played a television station manager in the ''Buffalo Bill'' TV series. He is currently in the TV sitcom, ''Norm.''


…Just to let you know, because of the play and now just laziness, I haven’t gotten a haircut in forever. I’m crazy nappy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, man.

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

king larry.gif (10010 bytes)

Larry thought HE was the father of Melissa Etheridge’s babies.

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