poor left column. poor poor left column.

crash test gummies

So yesterday M. and I were running around doing our typical Sunday things and as a trade-off for going to look at dogs and puppies for the third weekend in a row (I’m a retard, I fully admit it), I agreed to go to the 99 cent store with her. I hate 99, so in the Tupperware aisle I started freaking out, but it subsided somewhere around lotion and I began to do everything I could to embarrass her, like calling out across 2 aisles, "Honey, do you still need the hemorrhoid cream?" Ladies, in case any of you were even considering it, never go out with me. I’m serious.

And naturally I ended up spending money on shit I didn’t need. Folks: 99 cents adds up. It does. But the one good thing is that they had Hot Wheels. When I was a kid I collected Hot Wheels like a motherfucker. Well, I just started again. I got a kick-ass blue Viper to go with my red Jaguar XK-8 (Sara has a real Jaguar, I have a 99 cent fake one, how pathetic is that shit). The convertible Jag became a crash-test car here at work last week when we subjected it to a battery of tests with a green gummy bear behind the wheel. The gummy bear failed most of the roll tests, being ejected from the vehicle 9 out of 10 times. Now the Jag’s alignment is off. And the gummy bear has seen better days as well.


…Speaking of money, I just paid like 100 bills and I swear my overhead has just gone way up lately. I’ll shut up about it soon, but let it be known that I am mildly freaking out about my cash and mounting credit card bill situation. While I just got a lame-ass raise here at work (totally lame), new expenses have been fucking me hard up the ass without lubrication, including cell phone, massively increased pager and cable bills, staking my own domain name, getting a lawyer to look over my contract with the shark, Christmas presents, renting a car for said holiday, subscription to Hollywood Reporter, dental crown, and a whole bunch of other shit I can’t remember. Add that to buying a new computer, puppy expenses, 5 trips including a losing one to Vegas, producing my own short film, and massive postage fees for sending scripts and the film out willy-nilly, financially, this year has sucked cock. OK, enough of that…


…On Friday Frank had another reading of his script for investors. He’s close to getting the $300,000 he needs, and thank god. I play the best friend to John, who plays the main lead. John had just wrapped four months on Clooney’s A Perfect Storm. With that movie, his stock should be increased a good deal (he’s also in Bicentennial Man but I somehow think that won’t do much for him) and therefore blah blah blah. Anyway, a bunch of cool people were there including one of the actresses from ER who played the third lead along with John and I. I was a bit star-struck since I’m totally down with that show, but I managed to keep my cool. It was a good read, and the investor people seemed to enjoy themselves. He wants to shoot April, but of course he wanted to shoot this past summer, so who knows.

And so on…

…Friday also saw me at a special showing of Toy Story 2. Kick ass. That’s all I’ll say about it. I hate to admit it but, kick ass.


…So in addition to being told about the aforementioned suck-ass raise, I got a call today from the Big Production Company for which I read scripts. A week or so ago my boss asked me to write coverage on a book they already optioned. He asked me basically to write a fluff piece of coverage aimed at getting the project set up at a studio. I told him as long as I liked the thing, I would. Well lo and behold the book rocked and I glowed. So he called to say that the studio didn’t even read the book, they just read my coverage and made a deal. (This town is way fucked, kids.) So he wanted to messenger something over as a thank you gift. Well, later his assistant calls to say that messenger service in LA sucks this week and he can’t get over the Muffin Basket today, so instead Boss wants to take me to a nice lunch next year when he "gets back from London and Paris". Cheap motherfuckers. A Muffin Basket???!! I was expecting like 500 bucks since basically I designed their Entire Sales Pitch. I swear the currency in this town is whacked. Muffin Baskets are quite typical. As are lunches that never happen. And blow jobs, which have regrettably so far eluded me as a method of payment.

In Actorland…

… Driving away from 99 I had a car to car conversation with Orsino from Twelfth Night. At a red light he let the cat out of the bag that the theatre company was about to ask me to be a member. It’s a great little company with only 8 members, all of which have been friends for 10 years, and if you’d been paying attention you’d know I had an A+ experience from start to finish with the show, but I’m just not sure I want to join a theatre company. Since my last one closed over a year ago, I’ve been enjoying only being involved in the theatre world when I REALLY WANT TO. It’s an honor to be asked – big time - but I’m not quite sure.

In Scriptland…

…Todd and I did some great character work on our action script this weekend. It should be ready for a reading in January and then some initial look-sees. And the triumph of wills continued when I finally typed FADE TO BLACK on the comedy script I started over the 4th of July weekend. Six months for a first draft sucks, but I’m quite pleased to be at this point. If you’ve kept track or even care, this means that I’ll be working hard on THREE scripts, including rewriting my Nichol script for The Shark. Writing teachers and the like would tell me that this is a bad bad way to do things, but la de da.


…So the Golden Globe nominees were announced this today:

Picture, Drama:
American Beauty, The End of the Affair, The Hurricane, The Insider, The Talented Mr. Ripley

Actress, Drama: Annette Bening, American Beauty; Julianne Moore, The End of the Affair; Meryl Streep, Music of the Heart; Hilary Swank, Boys Don't Cry; Sigourney Weaver, A Map of the World

Actor, Drama: Russell Crowe, The Insider; Matt Damon, The Talented Mr. Ripley; Richard Farnsworth, The Straight Story; Kevin Spacey, American Beauty; Denzel Washington, The Hurricane

Picture, Musical or Comedy: Analyze This, Being John Malkovich, Man on the Moon, Notting Hill, Toy Story 2

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Janet McTeer, Tumbleweeds; Julianne Moore, An Ideal Husband; Julia Roberts, Notting Hill; Sharon Stone, The Muse; Reese Witherspoon, Election

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Jim Carrey, Man on the Moon; Robert De Niro, Analyze This; Rupert Everett, An Ideal Husband; Hugh Grant, Notting Hill; Sean Penn, Sweet and Lowdown

Foreign Language: Aimee & Jaguar, Germany; All About My Mother, Spain; East-West, France; Girl on the Bridge (La Fille sur le Pont), France; The Red Violin, Canada.

Supporting Actress, Drama, Musical or Comedy: Cameron Diaz, Being John Malkovich; Angelina Jolie, Girl, Interrupted; Catherine Keener, Being John Malkovich; Samantha Morton, Sweet and Lowdown; Natalie Portman, Anywhere But Here; Chloe Sevigny, Boys Don't Cry

Supporting Actor, Drama, Musical or Comedy: Michael Caine, The Cider House Rules; Tom Cruise, Magnolia; Michael Clarke Duncan, The Green Mile; Jude Law, The Talented Mr. Ripley; Haley Joel Osment, The Sixth Sense

Director: Norman Jewison, The Hurricane; Neil Jordan, The End of the Affair; Michael Mann, The Insider; Sam Mendes, American Beauty; Anthony Minghella, The Talented Mr. Ripley

Screenplay: Alan Ball, American Beauty; John Irving, The Cider House Rules; Charlie Kaufman, Being John Malkovich; Eric Roth and Michael Mann, The Insider; M. Knight Shyamalan, The Sixth Sense

Hm. Right now I would remove the following: End of the Affair, Sharon Stone, Cameron Diaz, Catherine Keener, Angelina Jolie, and Neil Jordan. Interesting that Julianne Moore was nominated in both categories. Cool. And Haley Joel Osment. Loving Reese and though I’ve yet to see it, Denzel. Oddly, Three Kings is gyped. And no much hyped Philip Seymour Hoffman. Sadly, no Wes Bentley or Chris Cooper. Ha. And no Gwynie!


…Again kids, tomorrow should be the last update for a week. I think I’m going to drive up Highway 1 and enjoy the coastline instead of cowshit and semis on the 5. I’ll be in Berkeley for the holidays. I miss you already. Going to see Magnolia tonight. Hope it’s good.

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

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Larry is still trying to figure out why Denise Richards was snubbed.

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