left column friend. think you are cute. you think left column cute?

people who are bad people

There are people running around this big world we’re borrowing who are just mean. Just bad and mean and no good. Or annoying. Offensively annoying. And yes, these are people who have redeeming qualities, I’m sure. No doubt. People who probably have hopes and aspirations and fears and look for bargains at the supermarket and laugh when they hear a funny joke and do not like certain things about the way they look and are willing to eat sushi even though it looks kinda weird – who like rollercoasters and the smell of salt coming off the ocean and love to melt into a hug and be asked How Are You and smile when they see a ladybug and agree that Abbey Road is just a goddamn perfect album.

However, on balance, these same people do very bad things and deserve unhappiness and to never be hugged again, at least until they amend their ways. These people, I would like to line up against a wall, and throw eggs at. These people I would like to make cry, to watch tears roll down their faces and see them genuinely unhappy and then make the connection – I have been bad. I should stop. Here are some of those people:

People who litter
People who do not clean up after their dogs
People who hit women
Robin Williams
Men who do not pay child support
People who hit children
Whoever broke up the band Living Colour
People who talk in movie theatres
People who do not know how to behave while seeing live theatre
Bill Watterson for stopping Calvin and Hobbes
People who hurt animals
People who abandon animals
The owners of Peet’s Coffee for letting Starbucks steal your thunder
Lenny Kravitz
Post Christmas Vacation Chevy Chase
People who do not use their turn signals
The Los Angeles Dodgers
Zan from Camp Cazadero when I was 11 (oh yes fucker, I remember…)
Val Kilmer
The writing staffs of It’s Like You Know, Jesse, and Popular
John Wells for putting Kelly Martin on ER
Kelly Martin
People who forget to turn their cell phones off when they’re at the theatre
People who talk loudly on their cell phones in stores
The SUV driver who backed into my car and didn’t leave a note the day my puppy died
My downstairs neighbor
Paul Simon for marrying Edie Brickell out from under my nose
And all members, family, friends, and fans of the following bands: Blink 182, Cake, Everclear, Third Eye Blind, Lit, Bush, Puff Daddy, Master P, Eve 6

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.


…I’m having drinks with The Shark tomorrow. We shall talk about the script. I’m nervous for some reason. The two things we have to discuss are two things on which we could come to a head 1) the direction she suggests taking the script in to make it more "sellable" and 2) the terms of the contract. Must put Game Face on tomorrow night.


…Had dinner with Bill last night. Depressing. Glad we did it, but as our other friend Chet came along, I had to hear the whole thing again and during got a little frustrated. I had to remind myself that this is brain chemistry and not within his control. Went home and good neighbor Jack was having a party – 4 people showed up so plenty of beer was available.

Not here…

Beth got me surfing humane society websites all day looking at gorgeous puppies and dogs for adoption. Then I came across San Francisco’s SPCA site and discovered something that confirms how much I fucking love that wacky place from which I hail: they are the first city to implement a no kill policy (with a few exceptions) from Animal Control to the SPCA. Check it out:

At the movies….

…The Boston Society of Film Critics have announced their picks:

BEST FILM: Three Kings.

BEST ACTOR: Jim Carrey. Man on the Moon.

BEST ACTRESS: Hilary Swank. Boys Don’t Cry.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Christopher Plummer. The Insider.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Chloe Sevigny. Boys Don’t Cry.

BEST DIRECTOR: David O. Russell. Three Kings.

BEST NEW DIRECTOR: Kimberly Peirce. Boys Don’t Cry.

BEST SCREENPLAY: Charlie Kaufman. Being John Malkovich.

BEST FOREIGN FILM: All About My Mother.

BEST DOCUMENTARY: Hands on a Hard Body.

Check it out…

…I’ve been reading this guy for a while. I like his 12/10 entry quite a bit.


…This time of year in the trade papers (I just started subscribing to The Hollywood Reporter) studios run For Your Consideration Ads pushing for various films in various categories they think might have a chance. Well, poor Sally Kirkland got her mid-level agency to take out this shit little ad pushing her for Best Supporting Actress for EdTV. This kind of home campaign worked years ago for Diane Ladd, but I doubt this is gonna work. They pull quotes from various reviews of her performance in the crappy movie, but eventually scrape the bottom, "Kirkland has her moments as well…". I smell Oscar!!!

Do this…

…Go to Vitamins.com. They have 25 bucks off your first order with free shipping in December. What I did was get $26 dollars worth of Vitamins for $1.00!!! I just got them in the mail. Hee hee.

Free vitamins. My life rocks.


…So people, to my amazement, have been purchasing me things from my Amazon.com wishlist thing. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. However, I'm feeling a bit guilty at this point, and I have a PROPOSAL:

If any other reader is considering, for whatever very nice reason, getting me something, please do the following. Pick something from the list - but DON'T BUY IT. (Unless it's the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire CDROM - that I'd still accept!) See how much it costs. Then email me and I'll send you the name of a yet-to-be-determined Animal Rescue Organization. Then write a check for that amount to the organization. I'll give you my address. Send it to me. Then I'll send any checks, along with one from myself, to the organization. A good idea? I think. I hope. But don't feel obligated in the slightest. Please. This is only if you were REALLY THINKING of getting me something. OK? I think I have enough things in my life. I really do.


The Larry King Happy Song Corner

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Larry is currently undergoing tough contract negotations. Stay tuned.

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