who dat? contest.

(yo stee. i know
who dat?)

last game:

actor ted levine. silence of the lambs. heat. wonderland (tv).

first correct answer:

dawn jesseph

left column loves mac and cheese. cook it for left column, pretty ladies?

the diary of joseph edward nichols

-"Suspect Held in Semen Squirt-Gun Attacks. Florida Man Charged With Assaulting Girls."

(link from beth)

Feb. 27, 2000

Dear Diary,

Today was a very nice day, weather wise. Sometimes I really love Florida! Other times, I don't like it as much at all. But living here in Ocoee is good. It's a good place to settle down and raise kids, I think. Though of course I'm not ready for that. Man, I don't even have a girlfriend (but I'm not closed to it!) After work, which wasn't bad considering, I watched The View, which I had taped earlier. There isn't as much yelling and hostility as on Springer, but the ladies do have biting wits. Especially that Chinese girl. She's cute too. I made Mac and Cheese with tuna mixed in for dinner. Not bad at all.

Oh, and earlier I went to Target and stole a squirt gun and sprayed some of my semen in a little girl's face.

March 3, 2000

The cable was on the fritz today. That sux. So Jered and I went down to the Rusty Nail and drank some beers and watched the games. I'm kinda sweet on Charlene, the bartender there. She's very classy, though. I'm not sure if I should ask her out. I almost wonder if that would ruin our friendship, but nothing ventured nothing gained, as someone said. Maybe I'll ask her out next week. Shoot. I'm just not sure. Oh, and the Jags won today, so that was real good.

Then I went to K-Mart and sprayed some more semen in a little girl's face. Took a photo this time!

Then I rented a couple old Hope/Crosby "road" movies and just kinda hung around.

March 8, 2000

Mom is pestering me again about taking Blinker to live with me. I keep telling her there's just not that much room in my apartment, but she says Blinker is moping around quite a lot and keeping her and Bob up scratching at the door and whining. Sux. So I might have to take the dog. Blinker is cool though, and he would be good company. I don't know. Maybe Jered will come walk him for me while I'm at work.

Speaking of work, the stupid fax machine ate 3 faxes today. Boy, what a pain.

Afterwards I hit 3 different Pay Less stores before popping an 8-year old in the face with my semen. The photo came out GREAT.

I think I'm going to go have a bowl of cereal...

March 23, 2000

You know, I don't like to be too gloomy, diary, but I'm feeling sort of down. I rented Schindler's List today. Man, those Nazi's were some bad bad people. I had no idea. But now I'm just sort of low, feeling bad for all the jews and all. Hmmmm... Guess I'll go down to Target and shoot semen into some girl's face.

March 26, 2000

I have to admit, I do like having Blinker here after all. Go figure! We play fetch and he loves having his tummy rubbed at bedtime. I had forgotten how nice it is to have a dog around. I took him on a long walk today (lucky Blinker!) and on the way home we stopped at the Stuff4Less. Shot some semen into a little girl's face.

She refused to open her mouth though. Kids are so suspicious these days. It's kinda sad, they have to lose their innocence so young.

Then I bought Blinker some ice cream for being such a good dog waiting for me outside the store.

April 2, 2000

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday dear Joseph Edward Nichols. Happy Birthday to me. You know, people complain about getting old, but I have no problem turning 29. I think it's great. Men age much better than women, anyway. Ha ha! No, seriously. I had fun today. Jered took me out for my favorite breakfast of eggs benedict and sangria. Mmmmmmm. And he gave me the Guns N' Roses box set, which I just love. Axl kicks ass! And Mom sent over some cookies and a very nice shirt. I love birthdays.

To celebrate I think I'm gonna go shoot some semen into a little girl's face. See ya!

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY: Hot sex with your mother. Yes, again.

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

I found my own true love was on a blue Sunday. She looked at me and told me I was the only one in the world. Now I have found my girl. My girl awaits for me in tender time. My girl is mine, she is the world, She is my girl. My girl awaits for me in tender time. My girl is mine, she is the world, she is my girl... Sundays are a great day for playing my favorite game: Horseshoes. Anyone want to play a bracing game of horseshoes? I would play stickball like we used to on 74th in Brooklyn when I was a kid, but I can't anymore because, you know... the gout and all.
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