left column in omaha


You know, it’s funny. I got tons of email about yesterday’s entry… but not one person admitted they were a bad, self-involved friend. Not one. Which leads me to two conclusions:

1) My journal attracts only the most compassionate and giving of people.


2) Denial, yo.

So I had planned on giving a "Friend" test so you could determine whether you were actually a good friend, or just totally lying to yourself. I was searching for examples of online friend tests when I came across a homepage where a girl gives ‘shout-outs’ to her peeps. Suddenly, I realized: instead of trying to make people realize they need to be nicer to the people in their lives… I’d much rather make fun of folks. This is what I found:

My Friends!!

Blue Eyes (m)~You are a very special person to me and we continue to grow closer!!I am proud to become your wife Nov.29th!!Love Ya!!*HUGS*

GHOST~You are a great sister-in-law and a great friend!!Love ya!!*HUGS*

GUMBY~You have always been a great friend and someone who is always there for me!!Thanks and I hope we remain friends forever!!YOUR GREAT!!*HUGS* :-)

Bat~ Hmm I could say alot about you!!I will say you are a wonderful guy and friend..And very persistent..*HUGS*…

Six~ Even though we’ve never met. You are a wonderful gal and friend.*HUGS*… ;)

…And it goes on. You get the picture.

But finding this made me feel bad. I would never make a website purely to say what great people my friends are. (I’d instead sit here complaining about them. What a jerk.) Such eloquent tributes to beloved friends the above are! I must amend my ways.


M.~You are a very special lady to me!!! I’m glad you let me touch your titties. (Smirk*)I would hold your hair any time you puked after too many beers!!Love Ya!!*HUGS*

MA~You have always been a great Mother and someone who is always there for me!! I hope you remain my mom forever!! Sorry I stole money from you when I was 7. YOUR GREAT!!*HUGS* :)

E.~Although you live far away, I’m so glad you are my sister today!! That rhymes!!! Please send me the painting you made me and then took back when you thought you needed it for your art show but really didn’t!! Love ya!!!*HUGS*

Todd~You are a good friend, even though you steal commercial gigs away from me and won’t let me sleep with your girlfriend!! Kidding guy ;) Love ya!!*HUGS*

Sam~ You have always been a good friend! Until you went away to Juvie. I’m sorry I stopped breaking into houses and growing weed with you. I guess I straightened out. Too bad you didn’t. Your Great!*HUGS*

Alexis~Even though you are a serious Scientologist now and dumped me a week before the senior prom… Your a great friend!!! Fuck Xenu. *HUGS*

Frank~Hmm what to say to someone who laughs at everything I say, even if most of the time you didn’t quite get it!!Well I have always enjoyed your friendship and hope we remain friends..Please keep putting me in your movies!!*HUGS*

Popi~Remember when we used to play together when we were little. Your house scared me. It was the dirtiest house I’d even been to. There was your brother peeing in the kitchen sink and your parents screaming at each other and cat shit on the bed. I wanted to go home. Really badly. *HUGS*

Winston~ Hmm I could say alot about you!!I will say you are a nice guy but you need to stop flaking on people because soon no one will like you. But other than that, your great!!!*HUGS* ;-0

The Guy Who’s Wallet I Stole in Madison, Wisconsin~What can I say about you? Your great!!!!Thanks for the money. I’m sorry I threw your wallet away. I guess I was drunk. ;-) *HUGS*

AK~ You are a great guy and I’m glad we still are friends, even though you’re a jew. (*Giggle) Your great!!*HUGS*

Pamela~ Even though we’ve never met and you’re short, you are a great person!!Your emails make me laugh. Love ya!!!*HUGS*

That Girl At That Chick’s Party on W. 18th in 1994~You are a good friend, and I hope we are always close. Thanks for fucking me without even knowing my name. That was cool. Your great!!!!*HUGS*


…I seem to have stumbled across a bunch of links for this group of regular folk in some middle-America state who email each other and chat online and have phone sex and shit. Regular folk who without the Internet would be doing this all at a biker bar on Route 18 somewhere, but now just do it over the web.

I can’t imagine why…

pals.gif (96600 bytes)

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

king larry.gif (10010 bytes)

Ain’t nothin' like it, her shiny machine. Got the feel for the wheel, keep the moving parts clean. Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue. Got an on-ramp comin' through Larry’s bedroom. Don't you know she's coming home with me? You'll lose her in the turn. I'll get her! Panama, Panama Panama, Panama. Yeah, we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight. Larry can barely see the road from the heat comin' off it. Reach down, between my legs. Ease the seat back… speaking of which. I reach down, between my legs. Grab the Baby Gold Bond Medicated Powder. Do a few hits of Ginsana, and baby! Good night Irene!!!

home     back    index     next     howl