who dat? contest.

(yo stee. i know
who dat?)

francis farmer. insane actress (redundant?).

first correct answer:


a scene for new lovers

(A darkened city street. Middle of the night. They had to see each other.)

HE: Darling.
SHE: I'm glad you came. I'm scared.
HE: It's late.
SHE: What time?
HE: Does it matter?
SHE: No. No. (She lights a cigarette.) I'm scared.
HE: Someone told me you were going to quit.
SHE: I never did. Does it bother you?
HE: No. I like you smoking. I like the smell on you.
SHE: That's odd.
HE: If you chewed tobacco I'd like the taste on your lips.
SHE: Ew.
HE: If you raised skunks for a living I'd-
SHE: That's sweet, thanks.
HE: I'm just saying.
SHE: Whatever I do-
HE: It's alright with me.
SHE: Hm.
HE: What?
SHE: Now.
HE: What?
SHE: Now. You say that now.
HE: Yes, I do.
SHE: When I'm mysterious and charming and you are flushed by the newness of me. By the fact of someone new loving you. By the feel of my breath on your neck. By the curve of my hip. By the weight of my breasts in your hands.
HE: But it stays, I know. This feeling. This feeling that whatever you did would be wonderful.
SHE: Whatever I did?
HE: Yes darling. Yes.
SHE: (pause) If I wore pink every day.
HE: You'd be my own little peppermint.
SHE: If I walked around singing Christian rap songs.
HE: I'd say God was "Dope" too.
SHE: If I gave blowjobs for wine money in back of the liquor store.
HE: I'd be the first and last in line.
SHE: If I took new lovers every week. Successful men, with more money than you, better careers, who were more attractive, with thicker cocks and BMW's and private jets. Men who could speak Italian and make me come just by grazing my calf with the back of their hand. Men who could make me laugh until I could not breathe and make me feel safe in the middle of a tornado. Men who were not afraid of snakes, men who never felt insecure and yet were not afraid to cry. Men who could paint me pictures that didn't look like they were done by a 4 year-old, write me poems that sounded more like Robert Frost than Dr. Seuss, men who could compose songs for me that were not really just Eagles rip-offs.
HE: (pause. he lights a smoke.)
SHE: I didn't know you smoked.
HE: If you met a man like that...
SHE: Men. There are men like that out there. How do you know I won't find a man like that? That men like that won't be lining up to sweep me off my feet?
HE: I don't.
SHE: How do I know women like that-
HE: Women with thicker cocks?
SHE: Women like that won't be around each corner, waiting for you.
HE: You mean women with shiny hair and perfect posture and gleaming teeth.
SHE: Yes.
HE: Women with laughs that sound like china clinking, not like a sick hippo. Women who never forget to cross their legs and yet can tell you the entire offensive line of the 49ers. Women who don't have student loans, unwanted nipple hair, or a trace of cellulite. Women without a single sexual hang-up. Self-sufficient women without abandonment issues, daddy issues, or weight issues. Women with smiles that can make you forget to breathe. Women who can ride you like a freight train and leave you shivering with pleasure. Women with more marriage proposals than traffic tickets. Women with stock portfolios, Phd's, and a recipe for chocolate chip cookies that will make you want to die. Women for whom designers make clothes, for whom jewelers craft pieces, for whom traffic stops.
SHE: How do you know she won't come around?
HE: She might.
SHE: And so might he.
HE: Well...
SHE: Yes, well...
HE: (pause) Sounds like we better be ready for them then.
SHE: I guess so.
HE: Yeah. (pause) I guess so.
SHE: Right. (pause)
HE: Well...
SHE: Yes. Well...
HE: Uh... Where are you going to wait?
SHE: For what?
HE: For him. For the guy.
SHE: Ah. Yes. I hadn't thought about it.
HE: Um. Well, do you want to wait together?
SHE: Together?
HE: Yes. I mean, since we're both-
SHE: -waiting.
HE: Yes.
SHE: Um. Sure. But...
HE: What?
SHE: Well. What if we're waiting, you know, together, and she or he should happen to come along.
HE: I see. If one of them came along-
SHE: -and saw us waiting.
HE: Then they might think-
SHE: -that we're together-
HE: -and move on.
SHE: Yes.
HE: Yeah... They might just move right along.
SHE: And leave us here, together.
HE: I suppose that might happen.
SHE: Right. So...
HE: So...
SHE: (Pause. She holds out her hand.) I'm willing to risk it.
HE: (He takes her hand in his.) I guess we don't really have a choice, do we?
SHE: No. We don't.

The Corin "Corky" Nemec Happy Song Corner

I'm gonna make a mistake. I'm gonna do it on purpose. I'm gonna waste my time. Cuz I'm full as a tick. And I'm scratching at the surface. And what I find is mine. And when the day is done, and I look back, and the fact is I had fun, fumbling around. All the advice I shunned, and I ran where they told me not to run, but I sure had fun. So I'm gonna fuck it up again. I'm gonna do another detour. Unpave my path. And if you wanna make sense - whatcha looking at me for?... speaking of which. This morning the Oscar nominations are announced. And I know they're gonna fuck it up again. I'm not going to be nominated again this year. And that's OK. That's fine. Because the time is soon. Why? Because last year Edward Norton was nominated. So finally the Academy is ready for our kind of serious work. For my serious work. Just like Ed. I'm so excited... Or course I'm just waiting for the exact right script to come along. Any day now, though. Any day...
  home   back   index   next   howl