who dat? contest:

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"i know!"

yesterday's results:

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actor martin kove as bad sensei kreese in
the karate kid

first correct answer:

todd collins

too much information

Last night M. and I decided to slum it and spend the night at the mall (Bev Center), eating at the Hard Rock Café afterwards. Sometimes we get caught up in the "planning the evening" part since we both sadly have a taste for much higher living than either of us can afford, so we just decided to opt for the cheesiest most devoid-of-imagination night possible, and had fun. Go figure.

Then a surreal thing happened: last night at about 2:30 I was awakened by the loud noise of someone walking. Since I live right off the street on the second (and top) floor of my building (if I stepped out of my bedroom window I would land on the sidewalk) I hear everything that goes on out there, from cat fights to cars trying to pull into tiny spaces to Joey Lauren Adams’ skinny-ass with her squeaky annoying voice deciding out loud whether to drive her Explorer or her yellow Camaro (she lives across the street from me). So last night I looked out the window and saw a girl – about my age, well dressed – walking down the middle of the street. I think I heard a guy say "fuck you" and walk ahead of her, but I’m not sure. She sat down in the middle of the street right outside my window, put her head to her knees, and began weeping. I was transfixed, instantly awake. She wept openly for about 5 minutes, then got up and walked on down the street. I ran to the living room and watched as she rejoined a male figure farther down the street. It was incredibly sad, watching her cry, alone, in the middle of the street. In the dark.


…I’ve been accused of revealing very little about myself, trying instead to amuse with meaningless bullshit. OK, fine. Here are 21 things you probably didn’t want to know about me but were compelled to read because of understandable curiosity with regards to my charismatic yet enigmatic persona:

  1. I once peed in a soda cup during a double feature of Dave and Indecent Proposal.
  2. My favorite ice cream is Chubby Hubby.
  3. I’ve never eaten cauliflower.
  4. I hate shopping more than anything in the world.
  5. OK, I hate spiders more than I hate shopping.
  6. OK, I hate people who don’t use their turn signals while driving more than I hate spiders and shopping.
  7. I miss New York palpably. Desperately.
  8. I am afraid of the phone.
  9. I’ve tried to read Pirsig’s Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance twice. Twice I’ve given up out of boredom; strangely I zipped through his second book Lila in three days.
  10. Five songs that instantly make me happy: REM’s "Sidewider Sleeps Tonight", Elton John’s "I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues", TMBG’s "Birdhouse in Your Soul", Beastie’s "Shake Your Rump", G. Love’s "Cold Beverage".
  11. I’ve never been off this continent.
  12. I’ve had sex in the following states: California, Oregon, Washington, Montana, Idaho, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Oklahoma, Tennessee, North Carolina, Virginia, Minnesota, Illinois, Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Maryland, Missouri.
  13. I don’t eat red meat, except for the occasional pepperoni.
  14. I wear size 14 shoes.
  15. My favorite baseball teams are the Giants and the A’s.
  16. Joe vs. The Volcano is one of my favorite films ever.
  17. I can play the recorder through my nose.
  18. My godmother doesn’t know how to pronounce my name.
  19. I built my own darkroom when I was 22.
  20. I drive an 1988 Honda with only front speakers and no A/C.
  21. My favorite Baldwin is James.

Sorry you asked, huh?

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

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With so much drama in the LBC it’s kind of hard being L-A-R-R-Y. But Larry, somehow, some way keeps comin up with funky ass shit like every single day. So what you wanna do, sheeeit. Larry’s got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do too…speaking of which, Tommy Degrasso and I used to sneak away from Hebrew school and take the good ol’ R train out to Coney Island and come home with a pocket full of marbles or penny candy. I wonder where that scamp Tommy Degrasso is today…

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