Hey people. I'm in my second week of official unemployment, and I love it. And while you all may think I've just been sitting at home watching Oprah, eating cookies, and complaining that my man don't love me, it's sadly not been the case. I've been pitching. Yeah, me and my writing partner have been running all over town from production company to production company telling the story of our script in fifteen minutes. There are introductions, then chit chat, then we launch into it, trading off in our designated spots, doing the intro, telling the three acts, the ending, and the tag line. It's basically like telling a very long joke. With all the same pitfalls. And as this is my first time, I'm learning a few things.

No one in LA works. There is traffic at 9am, 2pm, 4pm -- it doesn't matter.

Your manager is just a person too. Sometimes he forgets to give you addresses. It happens. Don't panic. That's what 411 is for.

Make friends with the assistants. Remember his or her name. They are very important and will most likely some day be even more important than the person you're meeting with.

You get free drinks! Get a Diet Coke even if you just finished one in the car. You might need a prop and also, hey, free soda.

Executives like to have pitches in other people's offices. That I don't know why.

Sometimes executives will seem that they are on cocaine. Don't mention their names in your journal.

Sometimes executives will be very excited to announce to you that they have very young girlfriends. Congratulate them. That's what they want.

The most bored listener may turn out to be the most interested. The most excited, may dismiss you.

One day you'll hear there is a battle between two companies to see who gets to bring your project into the same movie studio. Leave them chickens uncounted. Nothing's real until the check has cleared and you're driving the new car with the hookers you got with your money.

Most companies have magazines from three months ago in their lobbies. That I also don't know why.

Sometimes executives are so busy you'll have to come pitch to them on the set of their movies.

People in Hollywood can be very nice, despite what everyone says.

The strike is fucking everything up. I hope it's over soon.

Pitching can be very fun. Pitching can be very exhausting. But it sure helps to have a writing partner. And not only so they can drive you around.


Obviously, entries are sporadic. As my post-work life settles in, I'll write more regularly. For now my cat is happy that I'm home more. And if you're interested, I'm recapping the terrible Chains of Love over at MBTV. I'm spending my birthday tomorrow working on the new episode. Yeah, happy birthday to me, alright.

Oh, and I just learned I've been replaced at my old job with an Armenian grandmother. Not that there's anything wrong with Armenian grandmothers.

The Robert Downey Jr. Happy Song Corner


Downey just realized the irony of playing a lawyer on television every week.
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